Everyone Will Sing

Pictures Galore (Playing a Bit of Catch Up)

2011-11-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

It's been a little over a month since our big move to Arizona. Things are going pretty well, and overall I'm doing awesome. Much better than I thought I would be. I miss my parents and other family terribly, and yesterday I had my first sort of cryng fit since the move. That's really it, though, and that's good. One crying fit in a month isn't bad, right?

The night before we were supposed to pack up, Russell got very sick. He was sick all through the night, and was pretty worthless the next day. He just had to stay in bed. Thank goodness for Pop and church guys!!

The morning of the move, I was feeling a little anxious and concerned. I was taking out some garbage and noticed a clump of clover growing outside our backyard fence. I decided I was going to find myself a four-leaf clover. And I did.

As I was going to get lunch, I decided to snap one more picture of our little house in Texas. It was a happy home, in it's own way...

Jennifer, my sister-in-law, and her kids put together bags of goodies and things to occupy my children on the drive. Thanks guys, you're the best!

Kiwi rode in the crate, next to me in the passenger seat. She was really scared for a while and rode with her face stuck in the corner. Kind of pitiful, isn't she?

When we arrived in Phoenix, we stayed a week with my sister, Shannon's, family. The kids swam and did lots of trampolin tricks. Here they are with Jaiden, Shannon's daughter. Her son, Tristan, was probably at baseball or football practice.

I told them all to "Jump, and make a great face." This is what I got:

I realize these pictures could have used a little touching up and cropping, but I'm just glad to get them blogged, so....

Next time I'll try to remember to do my touching up ahead of time.

We took an afternoon and went to the Arizona Science Center. The weather was beautiful, and we even got in free with our Texas membership. Yay!

They have this thing where you put these headbands on and try to move a ball by relaxing your mind.

So funny to watch.

Russell lost every time.

The kids got to disect a cow femur. No really. They pulled out veins, marrow, and did all sorts of completely disgusting things. They loved it.

We realized that we have, here in Gilbert, a "Diner, Drive-in, or Dive" of our own. This place was featured on that Food Network show, and so we had to go check it out. We ate outside and thought the food was really yummy. A little pricey, when you're feeding seven, but where isn't?

A couple of Saturdays ago, we went to the Temple Visitors' Center for the afternoon. As we were walking around, this wedding party came out for pictures. I have no clue who these people were, but I absolutely fell in LOVE with her blue wedding dress!! Hint, hint, Makenna...

Last week was our Ward Fall Festival. We watched movies outside, ate Chili, Cornbread, Popcorn and Cotton Candy, played games and had a Trunk-or-Treat. It was loads of fun, and it's nice to start recognizing some people from church. (Although that was made more difficult by the ones who dressed up)
We got our van all ready, and it looked awesome. We think next year we need a light...

Not sure what Conner's doing here, but it makes me happy.

Halloween night Chandler didn't want to deal with makeup and everything again, but Russell told him that he couldn't trick-or-treat if he didn't have a costume on, so he sported the wig and went as an old man. (He is morphing into a real teenager right before my eyes)

A few streets down from us, they host a block party every Halloween. This year they showed "Goonies". (love that movie) Everyone sits around and eats, laughs and visits, while the kids go off trick-or-treating and reaking havok. We love that the weather allows for that here.

Yes, I'm alive and well. I just rarely make it into a picture.

And so is Russell..

He walked around, as the kids ate candy, forcing those apples into their mouths. What a good dad!

Sunday evening we carved our pumpkins. As I type this, I'm thinking about how I need to go throw them away, before they're completly rotten and stuck to the porch.

Not sure why some of these pictures look so grainy. I need a new camera. I've found that camera's don't much like being dropped in the lake, or drenched in tornados, very much. (Both recent experiences of mine)

Hope everyone had a happy Halloween this year! We're ready for some Holiday spirit around here, aren't you?
Goodbye, scary pumpkins, until next year!

Halloween Flair

2011-10-24T11:14:00.000-05:00

All is well here. We're trying to get ready for Halloween and went to Schnepf Farms last Friday. We had a blast. We ate yummy food, rode rides, watched pigs race, watched a stunt show, and rode the scary train ride. Conner hid, Caden got "a stomach ache", and Makenna cried. Other than that, we loved it! We'll definately plan to do it again next year.

This house is in Riverside, California.
Now, if this isn't the coolest thing you've ever seen, than you've seen some pretty fabulous stuff.
Happy Halloween!

So awesome, right?

I'm trying to figure out how to upload pictures directly from my IPhone to facebook, so that'll be the best place to see pictures as things happen, but I promise to update the old blog a bit more often as well.

It's All OK, You Know

2011-10-08T23:31:00.000-05:00

I don't have much time, but I thought I should let you know that I'm OK. Day one stunk, big time. Day two, I decided it's best if I stay busy and try not to think too much about the changes that I don't like. Since then, it's been a bit better. A lot better, really. We'll be fine. I still believe this was, and is, the best thing for my family, and I just keep focusing on that.
Tomorrow we'll go to church for the first time, at 8:30 in the morning. What? Who decided that? Good grief, people.
All is well, all is well.

Don't Know About This

2011-10-01T12:25:00.000-05:00

We're at my sister's house in Glendale, Az. Yesterday we moved our stuff into our new home in Gilbert, but we're having new carpet put in, so we're not living there until Monday afternoon. This morning my parents loaded up their car and headed back to Texas. I don't know if I can handle this.

In 34 years of life, I've never lived more than a half hour away from my parents, and most of the time my mom's parents, too. Whether Missouri or Texas, we were always together. Now, we've up and moved to the desert without them.

I don't think most people understand why I feel the way I do. Most people get married and leave their parents, often moving far away from the beginning. It hasn't been that way for me. They've always been there. For every birth, every triumph, every sorrow, my mom and dad have been there. They're truly like a second set of parents for my kids. They've taken our vacations with us, and have just been wonderful through it all. My mother is truly my best friend. There's no one I'd rather go grab lunch with, or run to Kohl's with.

I thought I wanted this. To branch out on my own, and make my own way. To establish myself apart. But right now, I don't know if I can handle it. Right now I feel like my insides are falling out. My heart aches, and even though I'm not really "crying", the tears won't stop. They just keep coming.

I expect this to pass. I know that most people live this way, and they're all O.K., but right now I just want my mom and dad.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for everything. And please, if you don't mind, could you start looking for a job in Phoenix? I'd really appreciate it.

OK, So Really

2011-09-14T20:57:00.000-05:00

Guess what? Seriously, guess.

If you guessed that we got the job, and we're moving to the big A.Z. than you win!!

Indeed, we're moving to what was once lovingly refered to by myself and my family as "Mordor".
I.Am.So.Excited.
So ready. We're outta here!
Now, here's the question of the day: Where to live?
We know that we want to live in the East Valley, but I'm pretty picky about neighborhoods and schools and such. I've sort of settled on Gilbert, and we're really hoping that it will all come together.

Did I mention how excited I am?
Cuz I am.

Patience is a Virtue

2011-09-12T10:55:00.000-05:00

Finally, tonight, we should find out if we are moving to Arizona or staying here in Texas. The company he interviewed for had some technical changes last week and had to reschedule their last interview. So today, at some point, they should do that interview, and then be prepared to make their decision. The guy, Greg, that Russell is in contact with, said he should plan on a call by tonight. It feels like such a long time coming, and I can't stand the wait. I'll just be glad to know.

I think our family needs a new start. A fresh something to recharge us all. And maybe this is just the thing.

The Waiting Game

2011-08-30T22:55:00.002-05:00

I'm not very good at waiting. I never have been. I'm sort of the queen of impulse decisions, which is not a good thing. Although sometimes it makes for some good excitement...
One week from tomorrow Russell will fly to Tempe, Arizona for a job interview. For real. Like, if he gets a job we're moving. To Arizona.
Like I said, I'm not good at waiting. I can stay here, or I can move there, but I'm ready to know. Knowing makes me happy. I feel like I can plan, hope and take action toward something, but this "not knowing" is hard for me.

I can say that I feel completely at peace with this whole thing. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know that whatever it is, it'll be fine.

So I wait.

On another note, should I be concerned that my five year old son spent like an hour making play-doh clothes for Barbie? Good ones, no less, albeit "a little" immodest. He informed me that "Barbie always wears short dresses." Thanks for that, Mattel.

I have no idea why the pictures are so grainy, but there you have it. My little fashion designer. My personal favorite is the last one. Too bad the picture's not so great.

Oh, the things you can do with play-doh.

Oh, I updated the "Anxiety" post down on the right if you're keeping up...

The Second Stage

2011-08-22T08:52:00.000-05:00

As of today, I have officially entered Stage Two of Motherhood. Stage One is that little baby to little kid stage. I entered that stage on July 2, 1998. Today, August 22, 2011, I left that stage and entered the next one. Today, my fifth and youngest child, started Kindergarten. I'm sitting here, at my desk, and the house is quiet. There's no Spongebob coming from the other room, and no "Can I have some more chocolate milk" every few minutes. It's just quiet. Really quiet.

I'm not one to cry at the beginning of the school year. I love it when the kids go back to school. I think it's good for them, and it's good for all of us to get back into a routine. We need that around here.

And I didn't cry today. I dropped off my kids, Makenna with instructions to help Conner find his way, and they walked into that school holding hands and ready to take on the world. (I think it's easier on my kids not to walk them to class)

But now, here I am, in Stage Two. This stage when my kids are still little, but nobody's at home. They're all in school, and my days are free.

Did I say that? Free! There's so much I can do to fill this time, and I intend to do it!

Happy school year to you all!

Big Boy Camp

2011-06-09T11:20:00.000-05:00

This kid is gone to Scout Camp all week. This is his first time because he turned 12 about ten days after last year's camp.

It's been pretty tough for me. I can't believe my Chandler is almost 13. I can't believe he's old enough to go to real Scout Camp, and to stay out there for five days.

It's got me thinking about how it is truly my job, as a mother, to work myself OUT of a job. My job is to prepare my children so that, when their lives take them away from me, they will be ready to care for themselves. To take care of their own needs. To have the skills and confidence to be just fine without me.

But I hate it.

And we go Up!

2011-05-31T15:51:00.000-05:00

Russell has a phone interview tomorrow with a company in Phoenix. It's so hard not to get my hopes up, but I know this is just the first step. I'm just ready to do whatever it is we're going to do. Even if it's staying here, I just want to know. I'm not very good at living in limbo, in case it hasn't been obvious over the last little while.
☺

Where Would You Live?

2011-05-26T09:20:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think there must be two completely different sides to me. Sometimes one of those sides is stronger than the other, and then the other one will take over for a while.

See, there's a part of me that wants to live here:

Back to the desert, where I was born. I have wonderful memories of my life there as a teenager. There are a lot of opportunities there, and I love that. At the same time, I don't know that it's "me" anymore. I just don't think I'm a city girl anymore.

Several days ago, when that horrible tornado hit Joplin, Missouri, I was watching the coverage and as they interviewed people, my heart said "Those are my people." That is my home, and it's who I am. I love the lightning bugs, the songbirds. There was a time when we had a mama fox and her three babies living outside our back yard. We could sit at the back door and watch those babies play. I love Silver Dollar City, and Branson in general. I love that my kids can audition for a play and it doesn't cost me money. I love the yards that are big enough for a garden, a trampoline, and almost whatever else you'd want to put out there. I love watching the news at night and laughing about the things they talk about, because there hasn't been any major crime story that day. It's just a simpler, slower way of life. And it's me.

2011-05-11T19:54:00.000-05:00

How I love school pictures. Really, I do. Even when I completely forget that it's picture day and nobody's dressed up, and their hair is all over the place.

That said, I don't buy them. Sad, but true. I don't. They cost WAY too much.

Just don't judge me for taking pictures of my kids' pictures.

Last week we headed back up to the lake. We took the kids out of school, got some hot dogs and smores makings, and off we went. Unfortunately, it had rained quite a bit last weekend and the water was freezing, so we didn't do much swimming. Well, I didn't do ANY swimming. I stayed in my chair, with my book and my diet Coke. Mmmm, perfect.

Caden and Russell spent the entire afternoon out on this rock with a couple of fishing poles, a couple of drinks, some grapes and cookies, and a tub of worms. They caught a few fish, but only kept one to cook.
Gag.
They had a blast out on their rock.

Yummy smores. One of my very favorite things in the entire world.

Yes, there is indeed a fish on that table being prepped for cooking. I made them go prepare it at another table. You can barely see the other kids in the background.
It was a small fish, but this was a lesson in fish cookery, and it was a job well done, or so they told me.
I don't eat fish.

Can I just tell you a little something about me? I love the sun. The sun is one of my very best friends, and although I do enjoy a good rain (especially a thunderstorm) now and again, I can only stand to go sunless for a day or two before I start to miss it dearly. Today has been humid, rainy, and dark, and I'm ready for the sun to come back out. They say it's going to...

Deliberate Mothering

2011-05-06T19:52:00.002-05:00

Is there anyone else out there who simply can not believe that it's May already?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a "deliberate mother". I came across that phrase a while back, on this blog, and although I loved it, it never really sank in. Then I found this website called "The Power of Moms". The little tag line says "A Gathering Place for Deliberate Mothers", and it got me thinking again.
It's almost certain that if you let life happen on accident, things probably won't go the way you hope they will. It's only when we live deliberately, on purpose, that we can create the kind of life experience that we want. Of course, that doesn't mean that we won't ever have trials or challenges, but we will be better equipped to deal with them.

I absolutely adore this idea. And I believe it applies to all of life, but right now, in my life, I'm focusing on my callings as wife and mother. My youngest will be starting Kindergarten this fall, and I have to make sure I'm ready to move into that chapter of my life.

Sunday is Mothers' Day, and I believe the most wonderful thing we can do for our own moms is to mother their grandchildren in the best way we can. We must mother them deliberately, not by accident.

I am so grateful for moms like Saren and April, who take the time to put together this website, and all that goes with it, for moms like me!

If you've never seen their site, check it out now!

And I am so grateful for my own mom, who is my very best friend in the world.
Happy Mothers' Day!

Crazy 'Round Here

2011-05-02T10:34:00.000-05:00

I'm going to start eating better. It's a big deal, you know. I believe that the food we eat has a huge impact on the way we feel, physically and emotionaly. Really. As Chandler used to say "True. Period." I have no idea how to eat right. Doesn't that sound strange? It's true, though. I have lived on fried food, and fast food for so long, that it feels like that's all there is. I know that the possibilities are endless, and that I'll find my way, but it feels pretty overwhelming right now.

I'm also going to start exercising. And I'm going to like it.

Did you hear that Usama Bin Laden was killed yesterday? Wow.

A couple of weeks ago, Russell and I took the kids, with Mariah, who was with us for the weekend, up to Lake Texoma. We went up to Eisenhower State Park and played. We learned that there are some super cool places to explore up there, and we were woefully unprepared, but we had a blast!
Lucky for us, Mariah has a great phone, with a much better camera than mine has, because I forgot our camera!

Here she is, after she conquered the rocks full of mussles. I say she "conquered", but actually she, Carter, and Conner all came away with pretty sliced up toes and feet. I decided against posting those pictures here, but we left a nice amount of blood on the rocks.
Again, I say, woefully unprepared...

Carter, as he tried to make it out to the rock, slicing his toes all the while.

Makenna, who opted not to venture into the water, but collected the shells from the dry land.

Oh, if you only had a soundtrack to go along with this one.

Lucky for Conner, Mariah was out there to save him, when he went all the way in.

There was this awesome rock that someone had chisled foot holds into. The kids had fun trying to make it all the way up. Chandler did awesome, especially because he had on his Converse, which have no traction at all!

Under the rock "wall" was this little cave. Love this picture!

Gotta love Carter and his totally cool caveman club.

Russell skipped some pretty great rocks.

And managed to teach a couple of the kids...

Remember what I said earlier about eating healthy and exercising? Yeah.

On the way home, we stopped in Sherman to eat at Logan's Roadhouse. Makenna got a little carried away opening her straw, and it ended up in her eye. It was pretty painful, but luckily she was ok.

We had a really great time, and had planned to head back up there this week, better prepared this time, but it's been raining for about 12 hours, and everything's a soggy mess, so I'm not sure that's going to happen.

What the What?!

2011-04-01T21:12:00.003-05:00

Has it really been over a month since I posted? Holy moly!

Well, I guess I have a little update to get to.

Chandler participated in the District Academic UIL competition in March. He competed in Social Studies, Dictionary Skills, and Spelling. He competed as an 8th grader, even though he's in 7th grade, and won the Bronze in Spelling!

Congratulations, Chandler!!

Kiwi has found a new favorite place to nap. I'm sure Jill, the Gerbil, just loves that.

Notice that you can't see her anywhere...

Pinewood Derby comes and goes, and as fun as it is, it exhausts me every time. This year Russell was working, and I had a tooth pulled that day, so my wonderful Dad took Carter and Caden. Oh, how I love my Dad!

Carter's Car

Caden's Car

CJ and Kiwi had their "we don't want any babies" surgeries a few weeks ago. We had loads of fun watching them deal with their "cones of shame".

CJ was determined to make it through the doggy door. Sorry dude. That would be trying to fit a round "peg" into a square hole. Lol.

And Kiwi, poor kitty, handled it even worse than CJ. She wouldn't lay flat with the cone on, so she hung her head off the side of the bed. Silly cat.

They survived, and healed, as it's all just a bad memory.

This picture speaks for itself. It's perfect.

Last Saturday Tyler, and his girlfriend, Candice, came and spent the day with us. We ate a super yummy lunch at Chuy's, rocked a little Guitar Hero, and had tons of fun hangin' out with them. Love you guys!

I bought a scanner last month, and have been having so much fun scanning all of my "pre-digital" pictures. This one is one of my favorites so far.

Caden, at about 6 months old. Tell me you don't just want to eat him up!

That's about all I have time for tonight. Merlin's on, and I just LOVE that show!

Grrrr.

2011-02-24T16:55:00.002-06:00

That's me up there in this post title. I'm growling like a dog. At my dog. He's peeing in the house. On the carpet, right inside the doggy door.

I'm just out of patience, you know?

February Fun

2011-02-20T21:25:00.000-06:00

Makenna is really into taking pictures right now. This is my current fave:

I'm making some changes 'round here, as I said, and this is the first. We were in desperate need of a good place to put backpacks and shoes after school every day. They always seemed to end up on the floor right inside the door, and I'm hoping this will help. I replaced the big "pretty" picture with these frames (nope, we don't know those models in the pictures, I've got to take some shots of the Rowelings to put in there.) I also finally have a spot for this tin that I bought this summer in San Diego. Love it! And it makes the kids a little worried, which is a good thing.

Just a random cute picture of CJ in his red sweater.

Last weekend we went with my brother and his family, as well as Pop and Grama Nette, to the Dallas International Boat Show. It's a pretty big deal around here. We checked out the million dollar yachts, Billy picked up a couple of Wave Runners (yay!), we watched Twiggy the Water-Skiing Squirrel (who totally hates her job, by the way), and the kids got to do this wake boarding trial. They loved it! It's attached to a cable on the ceiling, and it pulls you across the floor. Totally cool.

Unfortunately, I'm not a photographer, nor do I have a great camera, so some of the pictures are a little fuzzy. Hate that.

I also celebrated my 34th birthday, we had a happy Valentine's Day, although I was sick and had no voice at all, and this Friday Russell and I will celebrate our 14th anniversary. We have big Friday plans!

And, like I said, Conner turned five. Crazy, that. I tried to take some pictures with my phone, so I'll see if I can get them on here...

Yes, February is a busy month around here. And I love every minute of it! (When I'm unsick, that is.)

Sunday, Sunday

2011-02-20T10:56:00.000-06:00

I'm going to church in a couple of hours. I love the feeling of rejuvination that comes from attending my meetings. Sometimes it can be hard, with the kids and all, but I always come home feeling ready to do anything. Love it.

Conner turned five on me last week. Five! I don't have any babies anymore. It just doesn't feel like that should be. But it is, so I'd better get used to it. I'll write about him soon. I forgot my camera when we went to Chuck E Cheese for his birthday, but fun was had by all!

I'm making some changes around my house. Making it more functional, and easy to keep. More to come...

Have a happy Sunday!

No Title

2011-02-02T22:36:00.002-06:00

Couldn't think of a good name for all that's running through my mind. Warning-this post may be a little long, and possibly a little confusing.

Russell has always loved to watch "American Idol". I have not. Tonight, as he was watching it and I was writing in my journal, I got to thinking about why. I'm a singer, shouldn't I enjoy that show?
---
Everyone has "something", you know? Like maybe you're super crafty, or maybe you're really funny, or smart, or you're really athletic. Maybe you love to run, or cook, or mountain bike. Maybe you're a photographer or maybe it's more simple. Maybe you truly have the gift of charity, or love, or faith.

I had my voice. Please don't think I'm talking myself up, or I'm conceited, or anything. Please, please don't think that. But I do want to be honest, and really try to explain why I think I am the way I am.

I was singing (all out) in the car with the kids the other day, and Caden said "Mom, if you were on American Idol do you think you would win?" I didn't know how to answer him. How would it sound for me to say "maybe"? Crazy, that's how. But...
I'm sitting here trying to decide just how honest I can be here. I have to be completely honest, or what's the point, right?
My answer, though it's not what I said to Caden, is "maybe". Ten years ago, "maybe". I think I had the potential to accomplish a lot more than I ever did.

One time I went to audition for "Les Miserables" and chickened out. My dad took me. I even missed school that day to go to the audition.

I see these people on "American Idol" who have no fear, and it's really frustrating for me, I think.

I think that's why I don't like to watch it. Too many "what ifs".

After I thought about that (remember I was writing in my journal) my thoughts moved on. Back at the beginning of this post, I talked about how everybody has something. Well, I had something. Fear took it away, though, and I think it has left an empty space. A place in my self that thinks "What do I have now? What's my something?"

Over the last three years I have really struggled to find a new "something". I'm still looking. I can think of lots of "somethings" I would like to be mine, but haven't found a new one yet.

Now, I'm not looking for compliments here, so please don't feel like I need them. (Smiley face) I'm fine, really.

But I believe that this challenge (losing "my voice") has left me facing the fact that too much of my self-worth was in that "thing". It's gone, so where does that leave me? I now have to find my sense of worth somewhere else.

That's where my focus for this year will lead me. To a renewed sense of value, not because I'm a great singer, but because I am.

Darn Cold

2011-02-01T20:28:00.000-06:00

It is really stinkin' cold here right now. Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike being cold? I really pretty much don't like it at all. Don't get me wrong, I love getting all bundled up and go out sledding, making snow-angels and building snowmen and all that business. It's just the "living in it" part of it that I'm not so fond of. Things like taking the dog out to potty, getting the kids to school in the morning, being stuck in the house because it's too cold and icey to get out.

SOO ready for Spring around here!

I'm ready to get outside, go for walks, have a picnic at the park, wear flip-flops, and all the other great things about warmer weather. Mmmm, sounds fabulous.

But, not tonight. Tonight we're expecting a low of about 7-10 degrees. Yeah. Cold. Really darn cold.

Brrrr..

One Word Inspirations

2011-01-27T20:20:00.000-06:00

I've come across several people who've talked about having a "one word focus" for each year. I think it's brilliant.

I'm a planner, a lister, an organizer, but a "usually don't get much of it done"er. (Don't be hatin' on my use of the English language, there, OK?) So, naturally, this idea of having a single word to focus on each year sounds so refreshing to me.

I spent some time considering, and the first thing I came up with was "Be Aware". OK, I know it's two words, but I kind of liked it. I even made a couple of "signs" to place around the house to help me remember.

I never hung them up.

It just didn't feel right.

So I went back to the drawing board, and tonight, as I was reading some things online, I came across this word:

Believe

So simple, and yet something that I know I need to really focus on. This last year has brought us some challenges. Saying "this last year" is REALLY putting it nicely. It's really more like the last THREE years. Really, really hard for me, and although my basic faith has remained strong, I have struggled sometimes to remember that I'm not really in charge. That my Heavenly Father is truly the One in charge, and that He is mindful of our needs, our wants, and everything in between.

This year, I will work to remember that.

Rowesburg-January, 2011

2011-01-25T15:05:00.000-06:00

Russell-
An MBA
Job Hunting
Cooking (especially fried stuff)
Wishing he didn't have to drive so far to work, BUT
Thankful to have a job
Watching Chopped, Iron Chef America, Worst Cooks in America, and any sport on TV
Professional Kid-Wrestler

Ashley-
Ten half-finished projects at any given time
Getting out of the house every day, even if it's just for lunch
Being "Aware"
Blogging (and reading blogs)
Playing games on her phone
Reading teenager books
Soaking in her last child before he starts Kindergarten in the fall

Chandler-
Running
Acting in school plays
Getting more social every day
Texting
Epic Mickey and Zelda-Spirit Tracks
Wonderful example to his siblings
Joking around and sarastic
Unrivaled desire to be good
Too Smart for his own good

Carter-
Always the jokester
First to need braces
Looking more and more like Tyler
Great singing voice
Falling head-over-heels in love with our cat, Kiwi
Desperately wanting to get a Husky or a German Shepherd
Serious temper, and hates to lose
Keeping us laughing
Very affectionate
Unorganized, but smart as a whip

Caden-
Little Guy with a ton of heart
Very spiritually alert
Has his first crush at school
Wanting to play football this year
Loving to help cook
Fantastic helper around the house
Baptized
Going to Cub Scouts
Can be as loud as someone three times his size

Makenna-
Girlie Girl
Singing
Very Social
Knows exactly what she likes, and doesn't like
Running errands with anyone who goes
Big girl outings with her sister, Mariah
Six, going on Sixteen
Pink
Missing her cousing, Savannah

Conner-
Ready and waiting for his first year of school
Total Momma's Boy
Entertaining himself
Spongebob, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Fish Hooks
Deepest dimples ever
Creeping into our bed during the night
Needing a trundle bed
Talking to himself
Knows everything already

CJ (the Yorkie/Maltese Dog)-
Learning to potty outside
Deciding to bark at the sound of the doorbell
Tackling the cat
Growing every day

Kiwi (the cat)-
Believing we all live to make her happy
Wanting to venture outside
Traumatizing Jill the Gerbil by sitting on her tank and staring at her
Trying to sneak food

Jill (the Gerbil)-
Chewing up everthing we put in her cage
Living alone, since she killed her sister
Living in fear of Kiwi
Wishing she got a little more attention

Happiness

2011-01-18T20:21:00.000-06:00

Today my happiness is the fact that I walked on the treadmill and burned a total (in two walks) of 512 calories. Yay!

And, even though this picture was taken in November, it is more of my happiness:

Limbo

2011-01-16T11:04:00.000-06:00

Ok, not the kind of Limbo that you play, but the kind of limbo where you just don't know what's coming next. Russell's been out of school since May, and there haven't been any real promising job prospects. We live in a home that we know we don't want to stay in, whether we stay here or not, but hesitate to sell, because what if we do move away? We don't want to get into a new house just to move.

And, here's the deal. We really want to move out west. It's very frustrating to be so ready, and have to wait. I do know that the Lord knows our desires, and He is aware of our needs. Sometimes the two don't go together, at least at first.

So, we wait. We play the Limbo. I'm doing my best not to dwell on what we want to happen, but it's tough. We're just ready, you know?

The Sides of Me

2011-01-14T19:24:00.000-06:00

Just thought I'd share two of my very favorite songs in the whole wide world.

Had to post a live version of this first one, so as not to offend any viewers. It's, of course, not as good as the studio version, but it's unobjectionable, I think. This song is my fave right now. Totally my fave. Like, as in, I listen to it over and over again and rock out. Even my kids think I've lost it. I totally "work my strut".

OK, and this one is my other favorite. Totally different kind of music, I know, but that's me. I'm all over the place. You must listen to the words.
Warning: you may cry.

So, am I crazy or what? Can I just tell you how much I love Adam Lambert? I do.

Cheers!

2011-01-11T11:32:00.000-06:00

Welcome New Year!

I expect many changes around the Rowe house this year. I'm expecting a new job for Russell, and possibly (fingers crossed) a move to go with it. I'm expecting my youngest child to start Kindergarten, and my oldest child to become a teenager. I'm expecting to hunker down, settle in for the long haul, so that my kids can feel secure and grounded. And I'm expecting to lose at least some of this weight I've been carrying around.

Yes, I have expectations for this year. All of them good.

Welcome, 2011.

Cranky Santa and Christmas PJs

2010-12-29T10:58:00.000-06:00

We decided that this was not the REAL Santa, but one of his helpers, because the REAL Santa wouldn't be so hurried and cranky. This "helper" didn't even ask my children what they would like for Christmas. He simply tried to get a picture and rush them on their way so he could get to the next ones. When I said "Hey guys, did you tell Santa what you would like for Christmas?", he acted a little put out and said "Ok, one thing, one thing". Still rushing the children away, I hurried to relay their great Christmas wishes myself.

Indeed, NOT the real Santa. Someone needs to notify the North Pole that this helper needs to be replaced.

(In this picture, Mr. Helper is instructing Chandler to put his hand down. Yes, heaven forbid we look like we're having fun. (He IS twelve years old, sir.)

Every year I try to get pictures of the kids in their Christmas PJs. This year, although there are many takes in which the kids are posing nicely, this one is my favorite.

It's so "who they are", you know?

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! We sure did!

Ready, Freddy

2010-12-15T14:09:00.000-06:00

OK, people, I'm ready. Russell and I have been praying about our future, and we are both really feelin' the vibe. Yep, this one.

We're ready. There was a time when all I wanted was to move back to Arizona. Then, after I got married and had my kids, I got kind of a more Midwestern attitude, and I was pretty comfortable there. I do still love the "middle of the country", but man, I have really begun to remember all the things I loved about that desert out west. Things like:

The Mesa Temple at Christmas time.

Is that so awesome? Also, at Easter:

Sorry, the "ad" was the only good picture I could find. But, what a great place to feel the Spirit!

And there are many cool places like the Painted Desert:

The awesome red rocks:

And, I mean no offense to any other part of the world, but nobody has sunsets like the desert's:

If you've never been to slide rock, you're totally missing out:

And, to top it all off, should you ever get tired of the desert, you're only a couple of hours from places like this: And how can I even express the love I have for this place?

And even this, in the winter time:

Yes, friends, I'm feelin' it. I'm ready. Why must we have work to survive? Again, I ask, anyone know of a good job out in the A.Z.?

It's the Most Wonderful Time...

2010-12-08T19:12:00.001-06:00

I've been sort of at a loss lately. Do you ever have so much to talk about that you simply don't talk about anything?

First things first. Say what you will, but things have happened around here, and now we have Kiwi the cat, who sometimes sleeps like this:

aaaaaaannnnnddddddd.....this:

Sorry for the fuzzy picture. His name is now C.J.. He is a Maltese/Yorkie cross. (Actually a Biewer Yorkie) He's perfect, and if he will just not pee on the floor...

You know, I'm ready for a change. I can't say that Texas has been good to me, for the most part. The last three years have been pretty rough, in lots of ways, and I'd just like to move on now. I'm still thinking Arizona. There are many things I would miss, of course, but there are things I miss about Missouri, too, and things I miss about Arizona, too. Overall, I still think I feel the vibe. Anybody got a job available?

And Merry Christmas to you. We're getting in the Spirit around here. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, and the halls are decked. I listen to Christmas music most of the time, but let me ask you this: How do you feel about some of the songs they play on the "Christmas" station? (I can ask this question to you no matter where you live, because it's the same way here as it was in Missouri, so I assume it's pretty much the same everywhere.) Songs like "Another Auld Lang Syne", and others. I mean, are they really Christmas songs? I don't think so.

So as I sit here watching Paula Deen's Cookie Swap, I say to you, "Merry Christmas".

A Picture Speaks...

2010-11-17T19:39:00.000-06:00

My family.

The girls:

The boys (excluding Tyler, who couldn't be there. I'll "put" him in later...)

This is what we look like when we're trying to get a picture. Nice, huh?

And this is what we get for all our hard work:

(Again, missing Tyler, and my sister's step-son, Brandon. Darn those kids for growing up!)

Just a couple of shots from our family reunion this summer in San Diego. Now, don't let me fool you. The above shot has five faces that I photoshopped over from other shots. Nope, crazy as it may seem, we didn't get one perfect shot of the whole group.

Have a great day!

Five Plus...

2010-11-10T09:56:00.002-06:00

Jen, over here, has inspired me to post on the subject of how I came to have five children. I married into two kids also, so that's seven, but they have always lived with their mom, and when I say five, I mean the ones that live in our home.

Warning: it's a long story.

All my life I have wanted to be a mom. Other than singing, being a mom was all I ever really cared about. All I really planned for, and hoped for. I knew exactly what I would have: two boys and two girls, or more. But at least two of each. Not because I thought I had any control, but based on my own feelings, among other things. I knew I was in for at least four.

Russell and I got married in February of 1997. I was just twenty years old by a few weeks, and married into five-year-old Tyler, and two-year-old Mariah. Russell and I lived in Missouri, and Tyler and Mariah lived in Texas with their mom.
I knew I didn't want to wait too long before we started our family, and by July we were expecting our first little one. I was SO thrilled and couldn't wait to tell the world. So I did. At eight weeks, I started having some spotting, and a few days later we lost it. I was devastated. I think one of the hardest parts was the fear that I would never be able to have a baby. I didn't want to wait to find out, so as soon as we could, I was ready to try again.

In July of 1998 we welcomed our little Chandler. He was the perfect little baby I had dreamed of, and even though the delivery was a nightmare, and trying to nurse him was an utter failure, I was thrilled about being a mommy. I went to work in the show "The Promise", in Branson, when Chandler was just 10 days old, and was able to take him with me. (Russell was there, too.) The wardrobe girls watched him while I was onstage, and when he was six weeks old he took on the role of the baby Jesus. We just had a blast together, our little family.

In September, 2000, Carter joined the party. He, too, played baby Jesus when he was old enough, and I finished out that season before deciding I was ready to devote my life to being a mom. I "retired" from professional performance and became a "stay-at-home-mom". Exactly what I always wanted to do.

Now, here I was with two perfect little boys. That meant I just needed my daughters, and we'd be all done, or at least I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

We had just decided it was time to try again. One Sunday one of my boys was sick, so Russell stayed home from church with them, and I went alone. Sitting there in my meeting, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was already pregnant, and that my first little girl was on her way. I started to cry, and couldn't wait to tell Russell. The next day or so, I took a test and confirmed what I already knew. Number three was coming.

A few months later, I headed in for my ultrasound. Another confirmation, or so I thought. "It's a little boy", the tech announced. I think I was in shock at first, but after the ultrasound, when I went in the bathroom, I broke down. How could it be a boy? I just couldn't accept it, and a couple weeks later I asked my doctor (whom I loved) to check again. He laughed at me, ordered the ultrasound, and said "I have a feeling it's still going to have some external plumbing". Sure enough, there it was. "It", you know, meaning still a boy.

Over the next few months, I warmed up to the idea of having the Three Musketeers. (Or the Three Stooges, depending on the day) By the time Caden was born, in May of 2002, I was ready for him. My little blondie was perfect, and I was thrilled to be his mom.

By this time, Russell was getting close to the "cut-off" date. See, when we got married, he said we could have as many kids as I wanted, but that he'd like to be done by the time he turned 40.

I started praying for twins. I desperately wanted, needed my two little girls, and I knew that I was running out of time. See, like I said, I KNEW I was meant to have sons and daughters, and I was down to one, MAYBE two chances.

When I found out I was expecting number four, I was so excited, and so terrified. I was so afraid that they would tell me it was another boy, and when I went in, right before Christmas, and they said "girl", I really didn't even get excited. I just didn't believe it. A little girl. One, but still, a girl. For my anniversary gift a couple months later, Russell bought me a 3-D ultrasound, and we confirmed our Makenna was on her way.

In May, 2004, our first little girl was born. I was just beside myself with joy, and would often just sit and stare at her. Of course, everyone around me was saying "You got your girl, so you're done, right?" It wasn't that easy for me. I still knew there was another little girl waiting to come to our family.

My dear husband agreed to one more, and our fifth little one was due about six weeks after Russell's 40th birthday. I was ready to move on to another phase of our lives as well, and made the most of this last pregnancy. Until we had our ultrasound and they said "boy" again. "No way. It can't be another boy." I can clearly remember laying there, my mom and my other children in the room, (Russell had to work) and truly being at a loss for words. I wanted to be excited, but I was just shocked. Did this mean I wasn't supposed to be done? Was I going to ask Russell to do it again? Everyone told me that I needed to be done, that Russell "deserved" to be done.

Conner joined our family in February, 2006. A perfect, healthy little chub. I adored him immediately, and have never regretted that choice. But I wasn't done, I knew it. I still knew that there was another little girl meant for me.

I caved to the pressure, and a few months later, we took steps to assure our family was complete. That morning I sat at the computer and cried, searching the Internet to find out the odds of conception after, you know, the "steps".

That was four and a half years ago. I have never gotten over that feeling. That nagging feeling that we weren't supposed to be done, that I turned my back on one of my children. It has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. One of the longest-lasting, most painful trials I have faced. But it is what it is, and I have learned to live with it.

I love my children more than anything in this world. I am so thankful for the support and sacrifice of my husband, so I can stay at home and take care of our family. I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything in the world, and am so thankful these crazy little people are in my life!

If you're still reading, congratulations! I know that this was really long, but since I decided to tell the story, I wanted to tell it right, so that my kids know exactly how they came to be here, in our little world.

If you'd like to join the sharing, go here!

Playing Catch-Up, Again

2010-10-25T12:24:00.002-05:00

I have been extremely lazy about blogging lately. Way too lazy. So, because I know I'll never be able to truly catch back up, I've decided to do a photo essay.

Here goes. (Take a deep breath with me.)

Makenna lost her two front teeth in September. She's still toothless, although we have been to the dentist for her cleaning and they assure me that they're coming.

Caden was baptized on September 11. He was so excited and thrilled. What a blessing he is to our family. Caden is extremely spiritually minded, and it is so awesome to see him able to participate in this ordinance. Congratulations, Caden!

Carter turned 10 years old on September 26, and we had a quiet, family birthday party at my parents' house. Happy Birthday, Carter!

Here is a kid who wants nothing more than to play football outside with his dad, and will sit on the curb and wait for Russell to pull up.

One of the local nurseries here, Calloways, has a little fall festival every year. I took the kids this year and they planted grass, decorated pumpkins, and ate popcorn.

Decorating for Halloween.

Waiting for Grama Nette to pick us up, Conner climbed the tree in the front yard. (With a little help)

Chandler has loved participating in Cross Country this year. I think he's crazy.

One of our family traditions is to head back to Springfield a week or so before Halloween. We hang out with family, do the fun fall activities, and enjoy the beautiful fall leaves.

The first day there, Russell and I took the kids over to the park and walked, played, and laughed at the ducks.

While we were there, Russell and I were asked to be witnesses for a wedding! This was the sweetest couple, who had tried to plan a wedding and kept having issues. Finally they just decided to get married and have a party later. Good for them. It was so obvious how much they truly loved each other, and it was a blessing and an honor to be able to witness their wedding.

The next day we met at Bass Pro Shops. It is just the coolest store. I have been to the BPS in Oklahoma City, Branson, and two in Texas, but none of them are as cool as the original one in Springfield.

We headed over to Bandana's for some yummy barbeque. The weather was gorgeous and we ate outside, which made lunch with 12 kids (and one teenager) so much easier!

That afternoon Russell and I took our kids to the Rutlidge-Wilson Farm. It's a great place to go spend an afternoon, and it's free!

Russell made friends with a cow.

Friday night we went to Spooktacular at the zoo. So much fun! I wish the zoos here in DFW would do something like this. They do a little "Boo at the Zoo" thing, but it's during the day. In the words of Carter, "Who wants to trick or treat in the daytime?"

Somehow I didn't get pictures of Carter. Good thing Halloween is next week!

This year we decided the grown-ups should dress up, too.

Pop and Grama Nette:

Russell and I:

Billy and ~~his groupie~~ Jen:

Carter and Karlie:

Chandler and Kaitlyn:

The whole gang:

Makenna and Savannah:

Caden, Jimmy, and Carter:

Steve, Serena, and they're kiddos:

Even Sophie was festive!

Saturday we went over to Kickapoo High School, where we had more fun, thanks to one of the clubs at the school.

The kids got fake wounds:

Face painting:

And the most fun part of all? Steve and Serena have some neighbors who rescued a couple of orphaned kittens. It just so happens that one of these little ones was exactly the cat I wanted! (A long-haired, female tortoiseshell) So-

meet Kiwi (yes, it did say Dutchess before. We changed it):

She's probably around 4 1/2 to 5 weeks old, too young to be away from mom, but mom is nowhere to be found, and she is doing well on a supplement. She's even taking it out of a bowl, so I don't have to bottle-feed her.

I guess that about catches me up. Kind of lame, I know, but I feel much better now.

Have You Ever Thought....

2010-09-25T10:52:00.001-05:00

Have you ever considered homeschooling your kids? I have.

I've actually thought about it for several years, but I've never been brave enough to take the steps. Most of the people around me think it's loony, and I suppose that slows me down, too.

President Boyd K. Packer said,in a charge to the David O. McKay School of Education, October 1996:
"In many places it is literally not safe physically for youngsters to go to school. And in many schools - and it's becoming almost generally true - it is spiritually unsafe to attend public schools. Look back over the history of education to the turn of the century and the beginning of the educational philosophies, pragmatism and humanism were the early ones, and they branched out into a number of other philosophies which have led us now into a circumstance where our schools are producing the problems that we face."

And I send them there every day?

Here's another one:
"The ultimate purpose of the adversary, who has “great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time,” is to disrupt, disturb, and destroy the home and the family. Like a ship without a rudder, without a compass, we drift from the family values which have anchored us in the past. Now we are caught in a current so strong that unless we correct our course, civilization as we know it will surely be wrecked to pieces.
Moral values are being neglected and prayer expelled from public schools on the pretext that moral teaching belongs to religion. At the same time, atheism, the secular religion, is admitted to class, and our youngsters are proselyted to a conduct without morality.

World leaders and court judges agree that the family must endure if we are to survive. At the same time, they use the words freedom and choice as tools to pry apart the safeguards of the past and loosen up the laws on marriage, abortion, and gender. In so doing, they promote the very things which threaten the family."

Again-and I send them there every day?

It really bothers me. I'm shocked sometimes at the things that my children come home with that they heard at school. And how about bullying and such?
No good at all.

So how long do we let it go before we take control of what is going into their little minds? How long do I think about it, hear about it, and even watch it, before I do something about it?
I'm still not very brave. I'm not Michelle Duggar, though I would totally love to be more like her. I lose my temper, my house gets messy, and I'm afraid I don't have the discipline necessary to home school.

But I'm still thinking about it.
And considering it.

Who's That Girl?

2010-09-02T21:00:00.002-05:00

This afternoon I found a cassette tape in my van. It was the recording of a show I was in years ago. Fourteen years, actually. I was 19 years old, performing professionally six days a week, making great money (for someone my age, for sure), and I was on top of the world. I even had several guys at my command! That is awesome.
Was.
After listening to the tape, I had an urge to come home and watch the whole show. I have a not-fantastic recording of it on DVD, and Russell and I sat down and watched the whole thing. You know what I came away with?

"Who IS that person?"

This one, who line danced on stage without a second thought...

This one, who sang "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to..."...

This one, who stuck balloons in her dress and impersonated Dolly Parton...

This one, who belted out "Independence Day" with confidence...

Not to mention this one, who had like the tiniest waste ever...

Who the heck is that? I don't even know that person. She is like some dream I had years ago, that I can only barely remember.

I miss her.

Ahhhhhh......

2010-08-31T09:34:00.000-05:00

My, I need to update. With school starting, pneumonia, and the return of Misty, things have been pretty crazy around here. Finally, though, it's all starting to settle down.

Back on August 23, the kids headed back to school. I totally spaced on taking their "first-day-pictures", which just kills me! Chandler is in 7th grade, Carter is in 4th, Caden is in 2nd, and Makenna started 1st. I still have Conner at home for another year, and I don't know what I'll do with myself next year when I'm all alone. Crazy.
So far, everyone seems to be doing really well. We really do have great schools here so far. That makes it really nice.

So, is this the most boring blog post you've ever read? I hear ya.

Jen, over here, has suggested that we, her readers, think of a word, ONE word, that best describes us. Wow. That's tough. So I started to kind of think about it, and there are many words that come to mind, but none of them seem to really fit ALL of me. Parts of me, yes, but not the whole of me. I still haven't decided on one. It's just very hard. I was reading Jen's post on this subject and when I read her word, independent, it struck me. My word.

Dependent.

Pitiful, isn't it? But so true. I rely so heavily on others. My parents, especially, and Russell.

It isn't coincidence that I live in the same neighborhood as my mom and dad. No, that was intentional. I need them close.

Now, I don't think that my word, or any one's word, is one that we have to be stuck with. My word describes me perfectly, but it's one I'd like to change a bit. It's not that a certain degree of dependence on others isn't OK, it's just that I am TOO dependent on others.

This "find your word" project has been really good for me. It could be good for you, too! Find your word, whether you decide to share it or not. What word says the most about you? (And, no, you can't just pick a "good" one)

Thanks, Jen, whom I've never met!

I'm Alive!

2010-08-20T09:21:00.000-05:00

Remember that fever I had? Well, I've had a little run-in the pneumonia for the last little while. Nothing major, just some collapsed lung and stuff.
No really, but I'm better now. Not perfect, but definately better.

Monday the kids go back to school. They (and I) are so ready. They're bored to death around here, so there's been a lot of fighting going on. And I'm ready to get my house all cleaned up.

I still have some serious updating to do, of course, and I'll get to that next week, when all is quiet...and peaceful...Ahhh....

Sum, sum, summertime

2010-08-06T12:29:00.000-05:00

Whatever was up with my camera seems to be all better now. Crazy, huh?
Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter now. Since I was able to transfer my pictures, I really needed to update the old blog. Sadly, as photo-extensive as this post is, I'm only about half-way done.

Here we go:

In June, my Grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Those who were here took them out to Abuelo's for dinner, and they were given a month-long trip to Utah. We missed those who weren't here!
We were lucky enough to have my sister, Shannon, here with her daughter, Jaiden.

"Love"

I just couldn't resist snapping this shot of Caden. He sure does love babies. Even ones he doesn't know.

While Shannon was here, we treated ourselves to a summer pedicure. Yummy! Makenna and I are supposed to go get one every year around her birthday, because it's right at the start of summer, but we waited until Shannon got here. Makenna was the only "kid" lucky enough to come along, and, boy, did she eat it up! Just look at her with her purple chair and her very own Sprite.

My Chandler turned 12 on July 2. Did you hear me? 12! I can't believe that much time has passed since was just like this:

We were leaving for our big Summer vacation right after his birthday, so he agreed to forgo (is that how you spell that?) his friend party this year and we just took it easy at home.

Oh, how we love red frosting...

On the 4th we headed down to Alvarado, for the annual Rick Rowe family 4th of July bash. Tons of fun, and the only injury that I ever heard about was Caden's. He stuck the punk to the back of his leg. For those of you who don't, or can't, do fireworks, here's a punk: It's what you light your fireworks with...

you "light" the fat end and then it just stays lit, like a coal. Fun times.

Before all the fireworks began, the kids had fun on the trampoline. Always a good time.

This is what we call "teaching little boys how to blow things up".

Ready for battle:

And what spells summertime like a giant slice of Watermelon?

A couple of days later, we headed off on our vacation. We made a pit stop, on the way to California, in Arizona, to save one hotel night. The first day we went up to see Gigi (my Grandma) and then back to Aunt Shannon's house. Of course, I couldn't pass by Swensen's (right by Metro Center, for those who know) for the yummiest Bubble Gum ice cream EVER!

The next day we headed west. The drive from the Phoenix area to San Diego is so amazing. So many different things to see.

Oh, and plenty of these guys.

At one point on the drive you're only 100 feet or so from the border fence. Oooh.

First day on the beach, and the lesson learned:

"You're not in your swimsuits kids, so don't get your clothes wet."

Did you catch the lesson I learned?

That first night, at like 11:30, the moms made a grocery trip to Walmart. This is what it looked like:

Russell and Mariah flew in on the 2nd day. Forgetting the lesson I had just learned, we headed down to the beach "just to play in the sand".

Whatever.

Our Gigi, who made it all possible.

That afternoon, after we got smart enough to change the kids, they stayed OUT of the water and did this:

On Monday we had our traditional "Peterson Family Olympics". I tell ya, there was a SEA of red shirts.

(How do you like that clip on the top of my head?)

Somehow I didn't get pictures of my sister's family. I know she did, though, so I'll add it later.

My family:

Part of the aforementioned "sea".

By the time we left, we had some excellent boogie boarders!

"SHARK!"

No, just kidding. That was a little joke for my family...

Really they were dolphins, and we saw them off and on all week. Cool.

We also saw California Sea Lions, Starfish, a dead (thankfully) Jellyfish, tons of Sand Crabs, and there was a report of a Stingray.

And this is what Russell looks like when he's about to take out a bunch of girls.

Pop did a little snorkeling, but it wasn't the best beach for that. Later some of the family headed up to La Jolla and had better luck.

One of the locals.

On our last day at the beach, Uncle Billy helped Caden (and Conner, but I had no camera!) to catch a couple of really great waves.

That about covers our trip to the beach. I may come across some other pictures and I'll add them to my next post. Our family took a couple days to go to Disneyland, of course, and we had a day at the San Diego Zoo. I'll report on those later, because I'm tired, and I have a fever. True story.

Home

2010-07-28T12:41:00.000-05:00

We're all finally back home after weeks of vacation. We had a family reunion in San Diego with all of my dad's side of the family. There were only a few missing, and we had around 85 people there. A week of Disneyland, time on the beach, sandcastle building, boogie boarding, and watching the amazing southern California beach life. (Sea Lions, dolphins, starfish...)

Unfortunately, my camera went all wiggy on me. For some reason, it won't register any battery power, even if I put brand new batteries in it. Ooooh, it makes me cranky.

So, until I figure out what to do about that, I had to pirate some vacation pictures from my family's blogs and facebook pages.

This is what it looks like as 85 people try to say hello to each other:

Of course, only a small fraction of the people are actually in this shot.
The "guest" of honor, of course, was our Gigi, without whom this never would have happened.

This is a shot that was taken in Newport Beach back in 1988, I think. I'll have to double check the year.
This year we decided to recreate that famous shot:

We were only missing one cousin that was in the original picture. Pretty fun.

We spent a couple of days just hangin' on the beach, and perfecting our sunburns, before the Jim Peterson part of the clan headed up north to Disneyland.

After two perfect Disney days, we headed back to San Diego, and to the Zoo.

We had a couple more days on the beach, and then went to Arizona for a week or so of fun in the "Valley of the Sun". I do have some pictures of that, but have to figure out my camera first...

We had a wonderful trip, and are now back in the humidity of North Texas, waiting patiently for the right job to come along, so we can REALLY settle down. In the valley, maybe?

Family Reunion '10

2010-07-21T15:46:00.000-05:00

"Vacation, All I Ever Wanted"

2010-07-18T13:31:00.001-05:00

We've spent the last week in San Diego, on Mission Beach, and BOY have we had a blast! Several days of beach fun, sand castle contests, boogie boarding, starfish, dolphins, sea lions, and even a sting ray or two. There were about 85 of us there, for a Peterson Family Reunion, and man, we have a lot of kids. I had such a great time sitting around holding tiny babies. Oooh, I love tiny babies.
We spent 2 1/2 days up in Anaheim. Can't be that close and miss Disneyland. It was SO fun this year because my kids are finally big enough to do most of the rides. Indiana Jones was the only ride that Conner couldn't ride yet. We had SO much fun!

And I must give a shout out to my Grandmother for making it all happen! Thanks, Gigi!!

Now that leg of the trip is over. Mariah came away with a terrible blister on one heal, and dropped her phone in the ocean. Oops. And something happened to my camera. For some reason it won't register any battery power, even if I put brand new batteries in it. Makes me cranky.

So I will have pictures to post, but not until I get copies.

So far, having a BLAST! We're on the last part of our vacation, and will go home with awesome memories.

I tell ya, you gotta love Summer.

Ramblings

2010-07-09T22:50:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while I feel like there's so much I want to think about, write about, and talk about, that I just can't get it all out. Sometimes I sit down with my journal and try writing there, but usually it sort of just ends up a bunch of rambling on about nothing.

That's how I'm feeling right now.

.........................................

See, now I'm sitting here trying to decide what to say next.

I miss my Russell. We'll be together again on Sunday, and in the meantime we send love texts.

I have such high hopes and big dreams for us, and for our family. I've always had a "vision" of what my life was going to be when I was a mother, and I'm still working on making it a reality. There are parts of that vision that I have the ability to create, and there are other parts that require patience from me. The Lord's timing isn't always the same as mine, and I'm still learning to wait on Him. Some days I do really well, and other days I seem to struggle a little more with the waiting.

I think one of the reasons it's hard for me to wait is that then I think "What if "whatever" doesn't ever come?" "What if it's always going to be this way?" I'm working really hard to accept that some things may never really be the way I always envisioned them. I'm working on believing that maybe there's a better way than I had "planned". Maybe there are lessons I need to learn, or my husband, or even my kids.

But it's still a challenge.

I can't wait to see my husband Sunday. He completes me.

Where In the World?

2010-07-09T20:55:00.000-05:00

It's hot here. That's why it's called the desert. I think it was around 118 degrees today. Hot.

But last night, at around 7:15, I sat outside and read a book while my kids swam. I didn't even break a sweat. Hot-yes. Humid-nope.
Nice.

I'm not sure when I'll get around the updating again this month, but I expect to have much to say when I do. It's busy around here, but good.

That's the way it should be.

Seriously?

2010-06-21T16:23:00.000-05:00

Remember how I was all excited about seeing the San Diego Temple? Remember how it's always been my favorite, and I had waited for like 18 years to see it in person?

Well, apparently, right now it doesn't look like itself. It's gone from this:

To this:

OK, so what I'm getting is, that they've decided to clean it. When I FINALLY get a chance to see it, it's completely covered in scaffolding.

That is SO not cool.

Any Day Now

2010-06-16T10:38:00.000-05:00

For some crazy reason, I had myself all convinced that when Russell finally earned his MBA, there would be new jobs lined up for him. I suppose I really knew that wouldn't be the case, but I was hoping. Now that it's here, I'm trying to be patient. I'm SOO thankful for the job he HAS, and I don't want to come across like I'm not, but I want, so badly, to be settled before the new school year, because it's hard to move during the year. I always said that I wanted to be moved, if we were moving, and settled before my oldest child turned 12. Well, Chandler will be 12 in about two weeks, so I guess that's that. ☺

I am really hoping something comes up for us in Arizona. As I've been thinking about what I want, and where I want to raise my family, I just lean more and more toward Arizona. There were so many things I loved about living there. Sure, it's hot, but seriously. Ok, let me talk about that for a second...

Let's take today:

Dallas, TX: High-98; current humidity-59%

Phoenix, AZ: High-105; current humidity-20%

Now, I ask you, is that really any worse? I don't think so. Now, it will get hotter in the next few months, but still, DRY. I'm here to tell you, there IS a difference.

So, the heat really isn't an issue to me. There are many wonderful things about that area, and I just feel like my family would do well there.

Now we just need a job...

Crack Down

2010-06-15T17:13:00.000-05:00

How's your summer going so far? Great, glad to hear it.
Can I be honest with you? This year, Summer and I have not been the best of friends. I've put some thought into what could have come between us, and here's what I've come up with:

1. Laziness
2. Lack of a routine
3. Boredom, which leads to fighting

Oh, there are probably a few other issues there, too, but I think these are the main intruders. Well, I adore Summer. I look forward to it's arrival, and I'm not about to let these bad guys (or any others) put a wedge in our friendship.

That means it's time for a crack down around here.

I'm sitting here now, at the computer, to put together a list of "Summer Rules" for us to live by. And, man, are we going to live by them!

Thank you, and have a great Summer!

It's About Time!

2010-06-12T21:13:00.002-05:00

Soon, after around 18 years of waiting, we are FINALLY going to be able to attend the San Diego Temple. I was living in Phoenix when it was built, and I remember cutting the picture out of the Ensign and putting it with my "When I Get Married" stuff. Well, of course, when I got married I was living in Missouri. So, to St. Louis we did go. But I have never stopped dreaming of seeing the San Diego Temple. And it's FINALLY going to happen! We have a family reunion coming up in San Diego, and by golly, I'm going to the temple! And get this: Chandler turns 12 on July 2, so he'll get to go with us!

Really, could it be any better?

Nope, didn't think so...

Fun in the Sun!

2010-05-31T19:36:00.003-05:00

We spent the last couple of days up at Lake Texoma with my parents and my brother, Billy's family. It was seriously hot and humid, but, at the lake, that's just fine.

We headed out Friday after school, and Russell met us later, after he got off work and picked up Mariah. (Tyler got a job near his mom's house, and had to work.)

First order of business-get the tents set up.

Later that first night, we wanted to eat at a restaraunt right there by where we stayed. After waiting for what seemed like forever, we decided to head back to camp and make some hot dogs. The kids tried to stay busy while they waited.

Conner and Jorden

The older kids played games.

I think the biggest hit of the weekend was the new tube Uncle Billy got.

Russell, Conner and Mariah

Kaitlyn, Jimmy and Chandler

Before:

And during:

Caden, Pop (my dad) and Carter

Russell perfected the art of skipping rocks.

Conner spent most of his time playing in the sand. Sometimes Jorden was with him, but much of the time he was content to be all alone.

We did a lot of "pasting" the children with sunscreen. I can't say that it did as much good as I would have liked...

The sand is always a big hit.

After a long day on the lake, it was great to just sit back and relax. The sun started to go down, it got a little cooler, and I taught my kids some camp songs.

And who doesn't love a good game of "Telephone"?

When the sun was gone, it was time for the "scary" stories.

Kaitlyn Jimmy

The terrified listeners

It's always kind of an early morning when we camp. I did manage to stay in my tent until around 8:30, which is super-duper late for camping. That just means my kids are growing up. I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh or cry about that one...

And on day two, when the sunburns started to show up, some of my fair-skinned kids spent their day covered up.

Makenna built a sand castle, complete with a moat.

We spent extra time doing this:

Jorden

Even with all the "pasting", some of the kids got too much sun, and tried to hide.

Carter made friends with a cold, wet paper towel.

Kaitlyn and Karlie did a bit of dancing on a rock.

Then it became a game of "pull each other off the rock".

Chandler, about a second from being dethroned.

And, after a fabulous couple of days with my wonderful family (we sure miss the ones who aren't here!) the Rowe family headed home. Mom and dad stayed with Billy's family for the rest of that day, and came home later that night.

Bye, Pop!

What a wonderful, relaxing weekend it was. Thanks, Pop and Grama Nette, Billy and Jen!!

And, for those of you who noticed, YES, there are pictures in existence of my mother, my sister-in-law, Jen, and myself. They are not here for a reason...☺

Busy as a Bee

2010-05-27T21:38:00.001-05:00

The last few weeks of May are always pretty crazy around here. We have two birthdays, Memorial Day Weekend, and the end of the schoolyear, which, all of you mothers know, is INSANE!

Last week I took my five kids, along with my nephew, Jorden, and we went to the Dallas Zoo. It was hot and humid, but I won't complain, because it was nothing compared to what it'll be in a month or so.

Saturday we had a Primary activity. "Journey Through the Book of Mormon". It occurred to me as I stood watching my oldest helping and guiding my youngest, that it was his (the oldest) last Primary Activity, and his (the youngest) first. It made me teary-eyed...

This is our year for "friend" birthday parties, so Caden decided to make it a Shrek day, since the movie opened on his birthday. He invited some friends for ice cream and then to see the movie. I think he really had fun with his buddies. More on that later...

Can't believe he's 8.

Last weekend Russell and I took the kids, and Sophie, and headed up to Lake Texoma to do some hiking. We found a great trail that kind of borders the lake, and although we barely made a dent in the trail, we had a really happy day.

These are my favorite times. Just us, and nothing but each other to keep us busy.

I'm bummed this picture came out fuzzy, because Sophie was actually about 15 feet ahead of me. She kept turning around to make sure I was coming. Love that.

Not sure what Caden's doing here, but I love the picture anyway.

The only cactus, that I know of, that grows around here is the Prickly Pear. I just love the flowers that grow on cactus. It's such a great contrast.

One day, when we're loaded, I'm going to get a really good camera. I love to take pictures, and I wish I had the equipment, and the know-how, to take really great ones before my kids are all grown up.

Makenna also had a birthday this week, but we put off having her party until next week. I'll get to it...

Cute things

2010-05-19T16:31:00.001-05:00

About a week ago, I decided to go ahead and redo Makenna's bedroom. I had intended to paint first, but I figure we'll move before too long, so I decided not to mess with it. I left the walls like they were, and just pulled out all of the decorations I bought like 2 1/2 years ago. No, really, it was before we moved here.

I redid her name to match the new bedding. Love it. And the boards over her bookcase, I totally copied off of these from Pottery Barn. Only I spent a total of about $40, instead of over $100. I plan to add to it if she ever has a bigger room...and I may just go with solid colors...

When I took these pictures I hadn't finished her dresser, so I still need to get a picture of that.

Now for some totally Sophalicious cuteness:

Super wet, but super cute.

This afternoon, Russell was home and we took Conner down to the neighborhood pool. I didn't get in today (I took all the kids by myself yesterday) but sat on a lounge chair, with a book and a camera, and soaked up all the cuteness.

There's nothing cuter than a man and his little ones. Especially when they're mine.

And when it's time to dry off, just wrap up like a mummy in a Mickey towel.

I just love all of it.

Super Mom

2010-05-17T09:42:00.000-05:00

I desperately wish I was a morning person. I'm not. When morning comes and it's time to get the kids up for school, I somewhat resemble this:

And, unfortunately, my mood generally matches my face.

I have dreams of waking like this:

Check her out, she even has tonight's dinner in the oven.

I know that none of us are perfect. We all have days when we feel like curler-headed lady up there. But man, I just want to get mornings right. If I could send my kids off to school with a smile on my face, that would just be awesome.

I have this one inside me, I just know it.

Perhaps I can channel her somehow....

ConGRADs!

2010-05-13T17:42:00.001-05:00

After 4 1/2 years of working full-time and school at night....

Russell has earned his MBA!

I am so proud of him, of the long nights he was willing to put in, the studying he did, the missing out on the fun, and all the other crapola that goes with going to school while you have a job.

He has been dedicated to this, and it is finally over.

Now to find a fantasic job...

Congratulations, honey, I LOVE YOU!

Mothers' Day Weekend

2010-05-10T21:08:00.000-05:00

OK, I know that this is blurry, but it is the only shot I got at my Mothers' Day Tea with Makenna. I sat in her chair at school and she served me lemonade and cookies. She also made me some cards, and we had a very happy afternoon together. She even got to leave school a little early!

We were lucky enough to have Mariah come and stay the weekend with us. She brought along her sunglasses, and Chandler just had to model the yellow ones...

We had a very yummy pre-Mothers' Day lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. Mmmmmm.

Couldn't resist this picture. Sunday, after church, we all headed over to my brother, Billy's house for a Mothers' Day dinner. Spongebob was on when we got there...

I'm pretty sure my grandparents could have done without the Spongebob.

This afternoon I got a text from Mariah letting us know that she was made the Color Guard Captain for her high school next year! Yay, Mariah!

Overall it was another wonderful Mothers' Day. I am so blessed to live so close to my mother, one of my Grandmothers, and Russell's mother. My dad's mother lives in Arizona, and we'll see her this summer.

These women have had such an impact on my life. They have shaped me, inspired me, taught me, and led me to where I am, and I am so grateful for each one of them.

Happy Mothers' Day!

A Journal Moment

2010-05-04T20:56:00.000-05:00

This post contains some of my feelings. It is here as a journal entry, and if you are uncomfortable knowing more about me than what I did today, please feel free to skip today's post. I promise it won't hurt my feelings.

I need to preface this by saying that I know that none of us are perfect. (Would that be "none of us IS"?) I know that the vast majority of us put on a good show in front of others, and are fairly different when we're on our own, or when we're just at home. This is also the case with me.

Hold on....I have to think of something to say.

I find that sometimes when I'm feeling "this way" that I want to write, but can't think of what to say. I guess there's so MUCH I want to say that I can't get it all to come together.

OK.

I am tremendously blessed. I am a healthy, stay-at-home mother of five healthy children. I have a husband who loves me, and works as hard as anyone I've ever known to take care of our family. He supports me in all that I do, even when it means things like "testing" out several dogs before settling on the same kind I had in the first place. He is good to me, and we adore each other. I have the fullness of the Gospel in my home, and am able to see and read and understand the scriptures. There are too many blessings in my life to count, and I am so aware of them every day.

But I feel.....inadequate. I have questions that go unanswered. I get jealous of others, way more than I should. I get jealous for me, for Russell, and for our kids. I have many dreams that have gone unfulfilled. I tend toward selfishness, with my time more than anything else, I think. I am extremely forgetful, of everything. I am lazy, and spend an unexceptable amount of time on the computer. And my house is usually a mess.

I try to justify these things, and others, and I try to make it look like it's all on purpose, and I'm OK with it. But I'm not.
I hate it.
I have spent years praying for the strength to do better, to be better.
I read blogs of women I admire, and try to emulate some of what I see in them.

There is nothing in this world that I want more than to be a good mother and wife. As long as I can remember, that is what I wanted to do. I gave up the only other thing that I really loved, my singing career, in order to stay home and raise my kids. They're growing up more every day, no matter how I raise them, and it scares me. There is so much I'm missing.

I know that I'm a great mom in some ways. I can see that. But does it make up for my...whatever it is I lack? I just don't feel like it does. It helps, I'm sure, but a missing piece is a missing piece, no matter how many other pieces you have. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I don't know why this is on my mind tonight. Nothing really happened to get me started, I just sort of started all by myself.

I haven't lost hope. Tomorrow I can try again. Everyday, no matter what, is an opportunity to do better.

And so I sing...

"Tooooooooooomorrow, tomorrow,
I love ya, tomorrow,
You're only a daaaaaaaaaaaaay aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay:!

Look What I Did!

2010-04-29T22:53:00.000-05:00

OK, I know, it's really pitiful to see Misty back there, but I'll have you know that she's doing great, and so am I.
Anyway, I have had this crate since...well, a long time ago. I knew I was going to get a Yorkie, who would be small enough to use it, and so I wanted it to be pretty. I am a FIRM believer in crate training a dog!! (If you're interested in why, feel free to ask, otherwise I won't get into it.) I got online and searched for crate covers, and I found some! Yes. There were ugly ones for around $35, and pretty ones for around $135. Whatever!

So I made my own. I'm so proud of me!

This side needs a door flap, but my little children cut it up. They "thought it was extra". I ran out of fabric, so I'll have to get some and add it later...

I also want to add ties to the door flaps, to hold them shut when they're not being used.

This is the door flap on the end. The crate has two doors, and I wanted both to be usable. (This picture was taken with the flash, and has the truest color)

The back is fitted, so it stays snug. I apologize for a few bad pictures. I forgot the flash on a couple and tried to photoshop them to make them lighter. Oh well, you get the idea.

I love it! I'm so excited about having a pretty cover for Sophie's crate, and it only cost me about $20. Awesome.

Meet Sophie

2010-04-27T16:52:00.000-05:00

Sophie has joined our family. She was born on February 4. I swear she is Dallas, reincarnated.

OK, I know I move fast, but I just have to have a doggy around the house. So far, as expected, Miss Sophie has been perfect! She sleeps all night in her crate, without more than five minutes of whining. She plays like a mad woman, and sleeps just as hard. She loves the kids, does great in the car, loves her chew toys, and has only had one accident in the house.

I knew I was a Yorkie girl...

Another One Bites the Dust

2010-04-22T22:02:00.000-05:00

Well, here we go again.
12 to 14 years of this?

Can't do it.
And so we say goodbye.

She's sure pretty, isn't she? But since Spring arrived she has left bits of herself on every surface she touches. And every time I come in contact with one of those little hairs I sneeze. I just can't do that. Monday I'm returning her to her breeder in Kansas. They will find her a loving new home, and refund to me whatever they sell her for. Isn't that nice? They've been GREAT to work with, if anyone wants a Klee Kai and doesn't mind hair. Lots of hair. Check them out here.

Does this mean, after the continued missteps of the last several years, that we're just not meant to have a dog? Heck no! What it means is that we're just Yorkie people. So that's what I'll get. No more of this "try something new" business. Stick with what works, I say.

The Right Way

2010-04-20T16:27:00.000-05:00

I've been a mom now for almost 12 years. In that time I've read TONS of books and websites on parenting. There's so much talk about how to discipline, to stop bad behavior, but not much talk about helping your kids develop the right behaviors. So then I started trying to find blogs, websites and books on creating desired behaviors. But there is so much information out there, much of it contradictory, that it is hard to decide which methods are best for your family.

I read a lot of blogs. I love them, and in some strange way, I've come to love the women who write them. I wish there was a way for me to meet them all in person. Of all the books I've read, all the "specials" I've watched, and all the websites I've read (except for a few), I have found the most useful and meaningful information from these blogs that I read.

Most recently, it was this one. How important it is that our children learn to work, and to appreciate the value of their blessings. Love it.

I've thanked all of you women out there before, but just let me do it again.

Thank you.

Let the Sun Shine

2010-04-19T11:00:00.000-05:00

Once in a while, I love a good thunderstorm. I mean, a good one, with lightning and crackling thunder and heavy rain and even small hail. It's just kind of exciting. I admit to being kind of a weather freak. When a good storm comes in I love to sit and watch the radar, listening to just what's going on. I even think those tornado warnings (where nobody gets hurt and there's no major damage) are exciting.

But, overall, I'm a sunlight kind of girl. I want light! I wake up in the morning and go around opening all the blinds and turning on the lights, because I love the light. I love to wake up to natural, unfiltered sunlight streaming into my room. It makes me happy. It makes me want to be productive and then get outside and soak it all in.

I love the sun.

Early to Bed and Early to Rise...

2010-04-14T17:23:00.001-05:00

I need to rethink my sleep patterns. I seem to have a serious problem waking up in the morning, and I've always just said "I'm a night person". Do you think that there really is such a thing, or do you just think it has to do more with attitude, planning and determination? I pretty much think it's more about those three things, myself.

Now, I realize that there are people around who just naturally wake up early, but I think that's the exception, don't you? I think most of us don't want to get up early in the morning.

As much as I really want to be "healthy, wealthy and wise", this is something that I fight with on a daily basis. Every night when I write in my journal, or say my prayers, or lay down to go to sleep I think "Tomorrow I'm going to do it. I'm going to get up, get going, and be happy and cheerful and ready for my kids to wake up." Then you know what happens the next morning?

The alarm goes off. I hit "snooze". Three or four times!

All the time I'm doing my best to catch a few more minutes of sleep I'm thinking "I should get up". I'm also thinking "I don't really HAVE to get up." Both are true.

The question is: How do I get that first thought to win out over the second one, which seems to be so much louder and persistant?

I suppose the first thing would be to try to get to bed earlier. The only thing is, I don't think the amount of sleep I get is the big problem, because I get anywhere from six to eight hours every night. Maybe I need more?

Ah well. I suppose I'll do it again tomorrow.
"After all, tomorrow is another day."

What Does It Say?

2010-04-10T23:03:00.003-05:00

Lately I've thought a lot about my home, and what it says about me. You know what I've decided? My house says "pretty", but that's it. There is very little in it that truly MEANS anything to me. I have pretty things on the walls, and sitting out on tables and shelves, but only a few things that are dear to me. Granted, this house has hardly any walls to work with, but I'd still like to take out some of the pretty and add some meaning. Meaning can be pretty, too, you know.

OK, these are the pictures that are hanging in the dining area. Pretty, yes? Meaningful? Not so much. I bought them at Hobby Lobby.

My dad really loves this picture. Maybe he should hang it in his office. It's nice and all, but just not really the vibe I'm looking for, you know? I especially like the gerbil cage there at the bottom. (For the record, I happen to LOVE those gerbils.)

Now, this I like pretty well. I really need to have some good pictures taken to fill it, though. I bought this frame, matted, because it would hold pictures of all seven of our children, plus a picture of Russell and I. It's good. It can stay.

Super boring, super old-fashioned, super bad hair. Again, I like the idea of having a family picture hanging in the kids' hall, but this one? Really? I'm thinkin' no.

One of these little metal things hangs over each side of my bed. They're OK, I guess, but I really couldn't care less about them. They're just filler.

Are you ready for this? This picture came in one of the frames I used for the dining area. It just happened to match my bathroom. BORING! And in this picture it doesn't even look like it matches. (It really does, I promise, but that's not enough to earn it a special place in my heart.)

This I think is pretty, but I REALLY want to replace it with a picture of the temple. I know the one I want, I just can't buy it yet. Someday, though, little flower picture, you're outta there! Maybe you can find a home in my bedroom, because I do think you're pretty. We'll see.

My toilet nook. (Do you feel like you've totally invaded my space?) The two little pictures. Dumb. Pretty, but dumb. As for the floral arrangement, my Grandmama bought it for me, so it stays. I do think, though, that I'd like to hang it on the front door, instead of in the house. It's very pretty, though, and special, so it's worthy.

And this, I love. A lot. It's my favorite.

I just need MORE things I love, that's all.

Is your house full of things you love, or just things that are pretty? I've realized recently that my taste is changing a bit. I want my home to be beautiful, for sure, but it's more important that it reflect who we are, as a family. I want you to be able to walk into my home and know exactly what matters most to me. I want my kids to know. And they will, because it will be right there, on the walls.

A Little Musical Number

2010-04-09T21:50:00.003-05:00

I wrote a song.
It's sung to the tune of "Give, Said the Little Stream".
For those of you who don't know it, click here.

Good morning, sleepy head
Rise and shine, get out of bed
Stretch, yawn and carry on
'Cuz you have to go to school
I don't care if it's unfair, being late is never cool

Got five minutes to be there
Did you change your underwear
Take a minute-say a prayer
Forget about your hair

Shower, change and then go eat
Don't forget to brush your teeth
Get a snack in your backpack
And then go get in the car
Don't get mad, just be glad that the school's not very far

I'll see you this afternoon
Wait-your hair has gone askew
Hugs and kisses, I love you
Oh, if you only knew...

Does this give away too much about how mornings often go around here?

Thanks, Miley Cyrus!

2010-04-02T17:16:00.000-05:00

Today I've been singing "Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock!" It's a happy, feel-good, get up and do something kind of song, and I dig it. Miley's pretty good at those kinds of songs. How 'bout this one? "I put my hands up, they're playing my song, and the butterflies fly away..." Another good one.

Russell has gone to get Tyler. They should be here by about 7:30 or 8:00. I got a small dresser moved into the boys' room for him, and we're ready for this new adventure. Now to find him a job.

I absolutely can't wait for Conference this weekend. I can remember being a kid (or teenager) and struggling to get through each session. I would try to position myself in some sneaky way so I could doze without getting caught. Isn't that horrible? I've decided I don't want it to be that way for my kids. Last year the kids and I were alone on Saturday, because Russell was working, and I got a couple of new coloring books, and puzzles for the kids to work on during Conference. Some people don't like that idea, thinking that the kids can't pay attention while coloring or working a puzzle. Well, I tried it out myself. I sat down on the floor and worked the puzzle to see if I could still pay attention, and you know what? I totally could! I just think I'd rather my kids remember these two days as happy and peaceful. I don't know how much they really get out of it, but certainly we're all getting more out of it than we would if we were cranky with them, or if they were falling asleep, right? The catch is, they're not aloud to talk. At all. It's total quiet time. Sometimes they get distracted and have to be reminded, but mostly they just eat yummy snacks and work independantly, so I think it's a good plan. For now.

I've got to start really working out. I've got a treadmill right in my bedroom, so I usually listen to talks or something while I walk. If I walk. I can't say that I really love it, but I also wouldn't say that I really hate it. I think it's just a matter of getting into the groove.

Well, it's time that Ashley got her groove back.

Lots of Links, Lots of Pictures, Lots of Life

2010-04-01T22:45:00.004-05:00

**WARNING**

You are about to read a really long post.

Alright, here's the deal. I've been thinking a lot lately about life, mine in particular. I have really struggled to settle down and LIVE, and I wanted to find out why. I started thinking back over the last couple of years, and HELLO! Maybe, MAYBE it's because the last few years have been SO STINKIN' INSANE!

Now, I'm totally not complaining here, and I'm not looking for sympathy, or even encouragement, although it's always great to have comments... I know that I am blessed beyond words, and that my Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of my needs and my desires. But I do want to remember this time of my life. I want to remember what it was like day to day. I want to look back and say "Man, that was rough! Glad that's over!"

It all started, I've decided, about the time we.....made the decision to be done having children.....and.....did something about it. (You get me? I'm trying to be polite, here.) I sort of talked about this in my last post, so I'm not going to get into it here, but after....that day.....I started crying for a week at a time every month. (You still with me?) I think that was when it all began. Around that same time, Russell started his MBA program, so I spent a lot of time on my own with the kids, and I started looking for things to compensate, I think. I bought a dog. I had Dallas (my Yorkie) but I needed a BABY! I bought a Yorkie/Maltese Mix named Emmy. She was really sweet, but a feisty little thing.

Dallas and Emmy Emmy

Long story, but I ended up giving her away and getting a free "mutt" that someone found at a gas station. Koda was the cutest, softest puppy ever, and I just thought he was going to be the greatest dog.

Koda as a puppy Big BAD Koda

Well, he tortured my old Dallas, and knocked over and chewed on Conner, who was just one at the time. He was just playing, but I just couldn't deal with it. I found him a great home (still keep in touch with his new owner) and decided on a Pomeranian. In the meantime, I wanted out of Springfield. I mean, I wanted OUT. I made plans to move us, and I knew that Texas was our best chance. Russell, completely oblivious to the severity of my issues, I think, put in for a transfer with his job. (Little background-I have a brother who lived here in Texas with his family. My dad was really unhappy in his work, and due to some other things, they decided to relocate here, as well.) Mom and Dad sold their house almost immediately, and had moved away by the fall of 2007. I was absolutely beside myself! Soon after they moved to Texas, Russell got word that his transfer had been denied. Then I was beside the me that was beside myself!!! I cried all the time! I did have a brand new cute puppy to lavish attention on, though. Enter Pippin, the Pom.

Pippin at home and in the car

At Christmastime, it finally came together for us to move.

I thought, FINALLY I can pull myself together! It was January, and all of 18 degrees the day we packed the truck. We moved in with Mom and Dad (who share a home with my Grandparents) and started looking for a home. Dallas, who was 12 years old and totally deaf, was a nervous wreck and pottied all over the floor. Over and over again. He hadn't done that in years! Well, it's bad enough when it's in your own house, but at your PARENTS' house it is EXTRA bad! While we were living there, the kids started school (January). We would get up early and try really hard to be quiet so we wouldn't wake everyone up. That was a joke! We ended up buying a home that is too small because I just wanted out.

I left Pippin with Mom, because she had fallen in love with him, and Dad said I could.

Three dogs in, three dogs out. Shortly after we bought our house, Russell's schedule changed and it really cut down on his overtime pay. All of the sudden we had to worry about money. Ick. Well, I still had to have a puppy, so I decided on a Keeshond. (Looks like a big Pomeranian) My sister has one, Dash, who is just the best! Surely that would be my experience as well. So, we brought Sinda home. She was the cutest thing ever!! Like a great big teddy bear.

Sinda, the day we brought her home

During the summer we found out that Caden is allergic to fire ants. Like any other venom allergy, a fire ant allergy can be deadly. Isn't that fun? And we just happened to live where every fire ant in the world lives. Well, shortly after that finding, we started taking allergy shots. The days went on and before I knew what was happening, Sinda the teddy bear turned into a GRIZZLY!

She was, to this day, the most affectionate dog we've ever had, but also the most destructive. Check it out here.

Poor old Dallas just couldn't handle the stress anymore, and I lost him in the fall. See here. That was so hard for me. My Dallas had been with me since before Russell and I got married. Even my Dad liked Dallas. (That's HUGE!) Dallas was with me through everything, and the guilt I felt after losing him was so hard. I had spent a year trying all these new puppies, and the one that needed me was right here. Anyway, Sinda continued destroying everything, and finally I had to take her back to her breeder. She was wonderful to work with, and I would HIGHLY recommend her, if anyone is looking for a Keeshond. (Don't let my experience deter you, because my sister's dog ROCKS!) Click here to check them out! During this time, Russell was still in school, so very rarely home, and I was still crying, although not every month. Maybe every two or three months. Right before we "returned" Sinda, I happened across this little guy online. Meet Rocky.

To this day, Rocky is the prettiest Pomeranian I have ever seen. Just gorgeous. But Rocky had (has) mental issues. He is terribly frightened of EVERYONE! He would follow me around everywhere, and I could do anything to him, but if anybody else tried to even touch him, he'd scream. I mean SCREAM! He is also afraid of heights, which is really kind of funny to watch. Rocky lived in fear, literally. I decided he would be happier staying out in Alvarado, with my in-laws. And you know what? It's quiet, for the most part, he takes walks in the forest with Ann, my Mother-in-Law, and is fat as a cow because he eats whatever he wants. It's interesting, because he is with Ann how he used to be with me. Now, he acts like I'm stranger danger, and won't even let me pet him without screaming. Very strange, but he sure is pretty!

A little time passed and I decided to bring home a shelter dog. (I know, this is getting rediculous, isn't it?!)

Bella

Bella was Carter's dog. She even slept with the boys. Unfortunately, Bella never could figure out why she should only go potty outside, so she just went in Makenna's room.

A boy and his dog-yeah, that'll give you guilt..

Now, I've had a lot of dogs, but I've NEVER had one I couldn't potty train! That room absolutely reeked, and I tried everything! Just as I was at my wit's end, Conner took a stroll down the street, and got picked up by strangers. Fortunately these were kindly strangers, and they called the police to come and rescue my little boy. My adventures with Child Protective Services can be found here, if you're interested. The one good thing that came out of it, was that the guy working on our case fell in love with Bella. He asked if I would call him if I ever decided to get rid of her. Well, call him I did! Later, Bells! Have a great life!

OK, so during all of this madness, I got totally depressed and fat. Seriously. I weigh as much as I did nine months pregnant! Even more than with my early pregnancies! Ugh. It's yucky. I guess I was just really struggling to feel at home, in our ward, at the schools, everywhere, and really just felt pretty alone. But really, you're never alone if you have Diet Coke, a slice of Pepperoni Pizza with Ranch, and a Hershey Bar with Almonds, right? (See where the problem is?)

I have always struggled with Panic Attacks, somewhat. Since about fifth grade. I never really talked about it, because I didn't have to. But after moving here, they became worse, and started to interfere with my life. I had to start talking about it. I had to get help. See here.

Anyway, I decided that I should just get another Yorkie. I had Dallas for a good, long time, and he was the best, so I thought I'd go that route again. I found a breeder pretty close by and bought a teeny tiny little guy that we named Goliath. Problem? Well, there were two. He was already six months old when I got him and stayed hidden away in my closet because he was terrified of the world. I don't even have pictures of him. He had never been exposed to children before. Then one day he woke up with his eyes all goopy. One was stuck shut. I just had the feeling that he wasn't going to be a very healthy little thing, so I returned him, as well.

How many is that, like six? Seven?

After all of these comings and goings, Russell, the sweet man that he is, decided to buy me the "dog of my dreams", an Alaskan Klee Kai. I finally got my blue-eyed little girl a few weeks before Christmas of last year.

Misty, with the droopy eyes

Is she everything I dreamed she would be? Sure. She's a little crazy, but she's a puppy, so that's normal. I think she'll be great, though. She's a sweetheart, for sure.

Shortly after Christmas, we found out that Russell was losing a promotion he'd just recently gotten. Yep, pay cut.

A couple of weeks later, we had the golf cart tragedy, and got a smashed car.

Tomorrow, Russell's son, Tyler, is coming to live with us. I won't get into too much detail here, but Tyler is 18 years old, a total sweetheart, and just out of rehab. I love him dearly, but I admit to being truly terrified of this whole experience. I feel so unqualified, so unprepared. I feel so clueless as to "what's next?". He's our child, and we'll do what we need to. It makes me appreciate my parents more.

So, what's the point of this novel? Why sit here and go through every hard thing I've dealt with in the last several years? Well, let me tell you, it's not because I'm dwelling on them. Oh, I have days, for sure, when I dwell. I have days when I cry, and think "Seriously?" But these years have also been full of joy. We've had holidays, birthday parties, caramel apples, Disneyworld, lake trips, field trips, tons of fun with our cousins, cookies and cakes and pies (and Hershey Bars with Almonds), trips to the movies, trips to the zoo, walks in the forest, laughter and silliness, and so many other wonderful times. Still, it has been tough for me. Mostly when I'm alone and the kids have gone to bed. I start to think about all the things I SHOULD be doing, as a wife and mother, that I'm not doing. I start to think about struggles and moves and dogs. But I believe that something good is coming for us. I don't know what it is, but in about six weeks Russell will finish his degree. That by itself will be a tremendous blessing. To have our Daddy again. Then, who knows? The sky's the limit! Something good is coming.

I'm just sayin' it's no wonder I usually feel like this at the end of the day.

Sisters

2010-03-25T22:27:00.001-05:00

You want to know a secret? I long for Makenna to have a sister. I have a sister. She is *!#> years older than me, and we weren't BFFs growing up, (I was a bit of a pest, I'm afraid), but today she is one of the very dearest people in my life. I believe every girl needs a sister.
When I got married, I knew I wanted what many would consider a large family. I wanted at least four kids, as long as I had at least two boys and at least two girls. I knew, in my heart, that I was to have "sons and daughters". (I won't get into that here, but suffice it to say-I knew it.) Russell didn't want to be "an old dad", and had asked to be finished with the "having them" part of parenthood by the time he turned 40, and I agreed to that because, even though I knew he'd get there long before me (he's 11 years older than I am), I still figured we had plenty of time to have the children I knew we were meant to have. I had three boys in a row, but there was something very sweet about those little boys, and I still knew we had time. When we found out Makenna was a girl I just couldn't believe it. I was just so thrilled to buy pink, and bows, and ballet shoes! But I knew we weren't finished yet. There was another little girl up there, just waiting for her turn. When it was time to try for number 5, I secretly hoped, and prayed, that the Lord would bless me with twins. A boy and a girl. Then everyone would have a "room buddy". When I found out I was expecting, I didn't realistically expect twins, but I figured that little sister for Makenna would complete our home just right. Only that "little sister" was Conner. Boy #4.

Now, let me just say, that my Conner is the joy of my life. He has dimples to die for, and brings so much joy into our home. I wouldn't trade him for anything in this world! Just look at that face!

But, Russell had turned 40 about six weeks before Conner's birth, and I knew that I had agreed to be done then.

That was just over four years ago. I still long for that little girl. I have never been able to shake the feeling that there was another little girl meant for our family. Everyone around me thinks I'm crazy, that I'm just in love with having a newborn, and that my home is already full. While both are absolutely true, they have nothing to do with this feeling. This is something else, something much deeper.

I know that we're done. But at night, when I put Makenna to bed, in her girly room all alone, I often think of that little sister that I always knew she'd have. I'm so sorry that she has to grow up without knowing the joy of a sister. Oh, I know that she'll have friends, and one day four sisters-in-law, but it's not the same.

Right now my life is just getting "easy". No babies. No diapers, bottles, spit-up and blowouts. No waking up in the middle of the night, "full to the brim" and in pain. No crazy schedules, diaper bags, and giant car seats to carry around. Heck, I don't even take a stroller most of the time. But I'd do it all again, in a heartbeat. I'd do it all, and more, if it meant she'd be here.

I don't mean to sound pitiful. I love my children, and I'm very happy with the life I've been given. I am so abundantly blessed, and I'm not complaining. But this blog is a record of my life as a wife and mother. I print every post, and have them all collected in a binder to copy for each of my kids one day. This feeling is one that I've carried around for a long time, and I want to remember it. I don't want this record to neglect the struggles I sometimes have because I don't think that would be an honest record of my life. I am happy, and truly so blessed, and I don't ever want to come across as negative or pessimistic. But I want to be honest here, because one day these feelings will be a memory, and probably a pretty vague one.

Makenna will be just fine, allbeit a tad spoiled. She is the princess around here, and everyone knows it. I don't think any of this will ever affect her the way it affects me, and I'm glad. She doesn't know she's missing out on anything, and I don't plan to tell her, so shhhhhhh. It's our little secret......

3/28/10

I feel like I need to say something here. Makenna has a sister. She has Mariah. And what a blessing she has been. When I think of the two of them stuck under the bar in that golf cart, and how Mariah, with battery acid in her eyes, thought first to get Makenna out from under that bar, I realize that THAT is a sister. I'm forever grateful for the two step-children I married into. They are both so special.

Yes, Makenna has a sister.

Just Keep Swimming...

2010-03-23T22:06:00.001-05:00

Tonight I had planned to really start a standing routine around here for our evenings. First, let me tell you how it usually goes:

Around 8:00 I start asking kids to get ready for bed (and all that it entails).
8:15 I start ordering.
8:30 I start threatening.
At around 8:45 I don't really care who's ready for bed, but I gather all of the children in the boys room, where we have a somewhat irreverent and wild scripture time and family prayer.
At about 9:00 (bedtime) I send them off to bed.
Sometimes I'm pretty cranky by this time, because things have been so whacky, and other days I'm more...tolerant.

Tonight I decided "no more". I planned it all out. I prepared a lanyard for each of the children with a list of everything they have to get done before bedtime. I explained that, as soon as their lists were finished, we were going to meet in the family room for scripture and prayer. I'll admit, there was some attempt to get their lists done, but it was just still really crazy loud around here.
Then I gathered my little ones in the family room, each with their own BOM, and we began to read. There was a lot of movement, a lot of noise, and a lot of "Conner, sit down", but we made it. I explained to the children that I want to start a new little tradition. After scripture, we are to all get in a circle, put our right hands together in the middle, and say "seRve, Obey, Work, lEarn!" (Our family motto) Then a group hug, and then each child is to hug and kiss me (and dad, when he's here) before heading off to bed. Sounds great, but HOLY COW! You would think I'd given them all three lbs. of sugar and a gallon of caffeine! Something about saying the motto just released some sort of insanity into the group. I tried to stay calm, but I'll admit....I didn't. I wanted to badly to start something that would be special and lasting, but it was really kind of a nightmare.

Am I going back to the old ways? Heck no! We'll do this all again tomorrow, because I do think they'll settle into it. They were just so excited about it that they kind of lost control of their happiness! It all came spilling out of them! And I believe that it WILL become something that is special and lasting.

Sometimes things don't go quite the way you have planned.
Just keep swimming...

Whew!

2010-03-20T22:32:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to go to San Antonio (around there) this weekend to see my step-son, Tyler. He's 18, and spending the next few weeks down there. We had it all planned out. Russell had to work on Friday, so I was to take the kids down to Alvarado to his parents' house, and he was going to meet me there when he got off work. We were to drive down that night.
Some time Friday afternoon Chandler, Carter, Caden, Makenna, Mariah (my 15-year-old step-daughter), and Hannah (my 16-year-old niece) went for a ride on the golf cart. Something everyone has been doing regularly for the las 10 years or so, ever since my in-laws moved out to the country. Ann and I were sitting in the family room with Conner, just visiting, when Caden came running to the front door. He stepped in and said "There was a crash, and everyone's bleeding." Then he just stood there. At first, I admit, I thought he was kidding, but when I looked at his little face, I knew it was no joke. I got up, grabbed his hand, and we took off. Once we were outside I could hear the screaming and crying coming from the trees. I looked down at Caden as we ran, to ask what happened, and saw that he was sobbing. As we came over the hill I glanced over at my brother-in-law, Ricks' house and saw Carter and Chandler walking in, so I knew that whatever happened to them could wait. When I looked ahead again I saw Hannah, Mariah and Makenna making their way over the hill. Hannah's face was bloody, and she just kept saying "This is all my fault" and "I'm so sorry". I tried to reassure her, while trying to assess the injuries. Makenna was crying, and really bruising on the left side of her collar bone. Of all, though, I was most concerned about Mariah. She was still screaming, and rubbing her eyes. She kept saying "My eyes are burning". We ran back to the house and started flushing her eyes, while we tried to figure out who needed medical attention. Ultimately, we learned that Chandler had lost his glasses and had a giant bruise on his hip, and Caden had a big scrape across his side. Those two just needed to rest and settle down. Carter and a cut on the side of his head that I knew would need stitches, I was concerned Makenna's collar bone might be broken, and I was worried about Mariah's eyes. Hannah busted her lip and knocked a couple of teeth a little loose, but they should tighten back up on their own. So Ann and I took the three kids in need of attention, piled into her van, and backed out of the driveway....right into the side of MY van. Ann, who was driving, about had a heart attack, but I just cracked up laughing. Just one of those things. We didn't even get out the check the damage, we just headed to the hospital. Carter ended up with four staples in his head, which he thinks are really awesome, they X-rayed Makenna's chest and collar bone, and they came back fine. She'll just be really sore, they said. And Mariah had her eyes flushed, which was so bizarre! They put these, like, full-eye contact things in her eyes with tubes coming out of them. She looked like some experiment. It was crazy, but she handled it like a champ, and it really helped. The doctor said that whatever it was (we assume it was battery acid) burned the top layer of her left eye, and eyelid. She can see, though, which is great. He put her on an antibiotic, and she has to see an Opthamologist on Monday. They also X-rayed her knee, which ws really swollen, but that came back fine, too. All in all, it could have been a whole lot worse, and I'm counting my blessings. Later, we heard the story:
Hannah, bless her heart, was driving, and as they went down what is known as "roller coaster hill", they hit a rock, and went airborn. The front tire came off (it's a three-wheeled golf cart) and when they came down, the prongs that hold the tire embedded into the ground, completely stopping their forward progress. Their momentum (they were probably going around 20-25 mph) caused them to tip forward, and the golf cart ended up face down. Chandler, Carter and Caden were in the back, where the golf bags go. Chandler and Caden ended up "on top" of the golf cart, because they stayed put, Carter was thrown from the cart, and hit his head on something. Hannah hit the steering wheel and ended up stuck between it and the ground. Makenna ended up stuck under one of the front frame bars. Mariah was near her, with her arm stuck under the same bar. The seat opened, where the batteries are held, and both batteries fell out, spilling what we assume is battery acid. Whatever it was, it not only burned Mariah's eyes, but it also bleached her shirt, jeans and shoes. A little of it also got on Makenna's jeans and feet. When Caden got out to run to Granny's house for help, Chandler and Carter headed to Uncle Rick's house. Mariah, even in pain, was able to tilt the golf cart upright and get Makenna out. It was a blessing from Heavenly Father that Conner wasn't sitting in Mariah's lap. He had ridden with them earlier, but for whatever reason, decided to pass up this time. Thank goodness. Another tender mercy.
Needless to say, I didn't go to San Antonio. Russell left at about 4:30 this morning, but I just couldn't leave the kids. I stayed there until after breakfast to make sure everyone was still OK, and then headed home with Makenna and Conner. I was (am) so completely exhausted, physically and emotionally. I know that we were blessed, and that it could have been so much worse, but I can not tell you what it felt like to hear my kids screaming and I couldn't run fast enough. So draining.
So tomorrow I'm taking the day off. Makenna, Conner and I are going to stay home and relax. We'll watch a little TV, maybe read a book or two, and maybe even take a nap. Conner and I took one today while Makenna played on the computer, and it was so wonderful. Russell will be home with the other kids tomorrow afternoon, and then all will be right in the world.
You know, this wasn't fun, but I feel closer to Mariah today than I ever have. She and I both did so well yesterday until bedtime, and then we both had our own little meltdowns. She's such a sweetheart, and such a great big sister to the little kids. There's always a blessing to be found, even in adversity, and this greater awareness of my love for Mariah is a really wonderful blessing to me. I'm so thankful that everyone is OK.
Well, except my van...

Bravery....or a Lack Thereof.

2010-03-16T12:24:00.000-05:00

I was born in Phoenix, Arizona. We moved to Rogersville, Missouri (Springfield area) when I was just about 14 months old, and lived there until I was eight. I have wonderful memories of that time. We lived on 35 acres, and spent most of our time outside. We even had a horse, a dog, a cat, and some chickens. Fun times!

The summer after I turned eight we moved back to Phoenix. These were probably the most fun years of my youth. I had great friends, good schools, lots of opportunities, and stayed close to the gospel.

When I was 16 we moved back to Springfield. I admit, at the time, I almost didn't go at all. I was so happy in Phoenix, and was involved with a touring performace group called Sound Celebration. We had traveled to L.A. and had just returned from Hawaii. I didn't want to lose that. The directors (an LDS husband and wife team) offered to let me stay at their home, and I had decided that was my plan. However, after singing in church, I really felt that the Lord wanted me to stay with my family. We moved back to Missouri that August.

Throughout my last two years of highschool, I struggled to find friends at church, and ended up dating a guy that had very different standards than I did. During all that time I had a plan to return to Arizona after graduation. I did spend about six weeks there, but couldn't get a job that would support me, so I had to return home to Missouri. I finally took a job as an usher at a theater in Branson. I wanted so badly to be in the show, but had missed the auditions that year, so I took the ushering job, hoping that it would lead to a role later. It did ultimately lead to a role, but it also lead me to Russell.

He was there with the show, having moved from Texas. We had a pretty short courtship, of only a few months, married, lived in Branson for about a year, and then moved to Springfield. After our first two kids were born, I quit performing to stay home with the children. Eventually Russell quit, too, and moved on to a "real job". We lived in Springfield until moving to Texas, along with my parents and grandparents, a couple of years ago.

Now I sort of feel about Springfield the same way I felt about Arizona before. I miss it. It was home. There are things I love about Springfield, and there I are things I don't love. There are also things about Arizona that I love, and things I don't love. And, believe it or not, there are even things I love about Texas!

Here's the thing.

Russell is finally almost done with his MBA. It's been a 4 1/2 year journey, working full-time to support our family, but he will graduate this May. He has been working for AT & T for over 7 years, and we assumed he would stay with them, but now that it's time to start looking, he's open to other options, and now we just have to decide what we want for our future.

That's the question. What do we (I) want? See, as I said, I moved when I was 16 years old, and it was so hard. It nearly "did me in", having to start over at that time of my life. I don't want to do that to my kids if I don't have to. Chandler is 11 years old. He'll be 12 in July. So, I want to be where we're going to be by the end of this year. I want my kids to have the kind of friends that I had before we moved.

Springfield is probably out of the question, because there just aren't many job opportunities there. There should be plenty of jobs here, if we want to stay here, but do we limit ourselves to that option? The question is, am I willing to move away from my parents in order for Russell to get the best job he can get? Hmmm.. I'll just be honest here, I am TERRIFIED to leave my parents! I've always lived near them, and I depend on them for so much. At the same time, there's a part of me that does want to "strike out on my own". Aren't we supposed to leave our parents and cleave unto our spouce? Perhaps I would do more "cleaving" if we were away from our comfort zone.

Arizona still calls sometimes. I miss the strength of the church there. I miss the mountains. I miss the temple at Christmas. I miss Disneyland being only half a day away. Maybe we should be open to that possibility.

Again, it all scares me, and I seem to change my mind a lot. Sometimes I get set on one thing, and it seems set in stone, but then I get too scared and back off. My poor husband just deals with it.

Any thoughts? Sorry about the novel, but I wanted to really think it out, and I wanted all of you to understand where I'm coming from. I really am looking for your thoughts and ideas-

Are You Kidding Me?

2010-03-12T17:23:00.001-06:00

I swear...

In case you can't tell, I'm a little irked. Here in Texas, there is a debate going on concerning our Public School Curriculum. You see, the state of Texas decided long ago not to adopt the National Curriculum (no surprise there) and does a review every ten years to see what, if any, modifications they might want to make. Then the recommended changes are voted on in the Spring. This year some of the recommendations include:
     1. Discontinuing the use of the terms BC and AD (Before Christ and Anno Domini), and instead using     BCE and CE (Before Common Era and Common Era), in order to be more politically correct.
     2. Removing the background on the story of Christopher Columbus. (Goodness knows we wouldn't want to talk about his religious quest)
     3. Removing all reference to Christmas, including that it even exists! (Just don't mention it)
Oh, there are others, these are just three that REALLY bug me.

All of you should be aware of this because it really isn't fair. Here's why: If Texas doesn't want to adopt the National Curriculum, fine, but because Texas is so huge, and is such a large purchaser of textbooks, what Texas does has a gigantic effect on the rest of the country, and it's classrooms.

Isn't it just so irritating?

Two Rooms Down!!

2010-03-11T19:22:00.000-06:00

OK, so I'm totally showing you the innards of my kids' bathroom cupboards, but I'm just so happy about all this open space, I can't stand it!

Best idea ever? Cleaning supplies in each bathroom! (Can't take credit for that one.)

I guess I should talk about this one, too. The papers on the mirror are the kids' goals for the year. Aren't they pretty? On the wall hangs our family motto. The letters R.O.W.E. are in a different color, but it's hard to tell it in the picture.

Thanks for joining me on this tour. Maybe next time you stop by there will be ANOTHER room to report on! Yippee! (This "purging" thing is making me really happy.)

One Room Down!!

2010-03-10T19:51:00.001-06:00

I am in the middle of some laundry fun. I promise my boys do have more shirts than that. Even though Conner now sleeps in this room with the older boys, I still keep his clothes in Makenna's room. In this room Chandler has red hangers, Carter has green hangers, and Caden has white hangers. That way they can see, at a glance, what's there. I know, so clever.

Ahhhhhh.

Now, if I could just refinish the 50 year old dressers in that room.....

(That wasn't an exageration, they're really about 50 years old.)

One day.

"Phenomenol Cosmic Powers, Itty-Bitty Living Space"

2010-03-09T22:19:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed around here. I'm sure I have mentioned this before, but so I don't have to go and find it, I'll just say it again:

My home is 1532 sq.ft. Three bedrooms. The kids' rooms are about 12' X 10' each, and in case you missed it, I have five children.

Having four boys and one girl, then, makes the room sharing thing kind of awkward. I've always had Conner (4 years old) and Makenna (5 years old) in a room together, and then the older three boys in the other room. I've since moved Conner in with the boys, and Makenna has her own room. Let me say, though, that this has nothing at all to do with her, and everything to do with me. I desperately want to decorate a really girly room, and I just can't do that with Conner in there. (Although, HE wouldn't mind a bit!) So, he's out.

Anyway, the piano is in the entryway, on the tile, so when someone is playing it, it is SO LOUD. And it's right on the other side of my bedroom wall, so it's doubly loud.

The computer is in my bedroom, because there is nowhere else to put it, so I often have "visitors".

What I'm trying to say here, is we are busting at the seams! Some days I get really optimistic and I think "Oh, we're fine. Our house is a mansion compared to what so many have." You know what? That's true, and I am so thankful to have it. I just can't figure out how to make it functional. I want a beautiful home, but I MUST have a functional home. It has to work, you know what I mean?

So, anyway, I've been thinking about how to make it a more comfortable place for us, and then I happened across this post, by way of this post. How I love the blogosphere! I love that I can find the inspiration I need out there, through a couple of women I've never met. How cool is that?

What did I learn? I need to PURGE so much of what is in this house! I need to start, one room at a time, and get rid of half of what I own. Don''t get me wrong, I'm not a hoarder, we're just...full. Really full. For so long I've kept things, thinking "one day I'll have a bigger house", and maybe I will, but today I don't, and today, I have to live.

So, here I go. I'll try to keep you posted on my progress! And thank you, to Shawni and Sarah, two women who probably don't even realize the good that they do.

By the way, if any of you feel like doing something good, click here.

Being a Mother

2010-03-06T22:22:00.002-06:00

Today the kids and I went to the zoo in Dallas. We had a really great time, rode the carousel and the monorail, and spent time in the children's' play area. We even fed nasty little worms to the birds in the aviary. SHIVER
It takes about 35-40 minutes to get there from here when there's no traffic, but today we seemed to really move slow. The kids were watching a movie, so I stuck one ear bud in my ear and turned on my ipod. I happened to be listening to the October General Relief Society meeting when President Uchtdorf spoke about happiness and creating. I've heard this talk before, read it before, and seen the link the Church did on youtube, but for some reason it really spoke to me today.
It's interesting how sometimes I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job as a mother, and other times I feel like I'm falling so short. I think really it's that, in some areas, I AM doing a really good job, and in others I AM falling short, so it just depends on what I'm focusing on that day.
I have so many things that I want to improve about myself. Things I need to change. The problem is, where do I find the strength? I think about things, but then never seem to be able to put them into action.
You know what I need? I need to get away for a couple of days, all by myself. No husband, no kids, just me. I need to go to the temple, sit somewhere and really search and ponder and pray. I need to rely more on my Heavenly Father. I need a "mighty change of heart".
Hmmm.
We really did have a fun day today, and check this out: I didn't even take a stroller! It felt so strange to unload all of my kids and then leave the stroller in the van.
They're growing up.
I hate it.
Man, it's easier!
I will say that a couple of them got pretty whiny toward the end and wanted to be carried. Then I cursed myself for not bringing the stroller....
Ah well, it was still a great day!